Sometimes I love being imaginative. It's my best escape from the world around me. When things become difficult and I just need to give myself and my hurting heads a break, it's great. But when I'm slightly down for no apparent reason? It can really suck.
You start to spend hours wondering why you're stuck in the life you have. It feels dull, boring and so disappointing. You wish you lived the exciting, fast-paced lives of your characters. But of course that'll never happen. This is reality. It drags by slowly, day by day. I spend my week waiting for the weekend, only to repeat the process on Monday.
Outside of protagonize I'm pretty much alone as far as writing is concerned. My best friend used to write, but she doesn't anymore. I ask her to read something of mine and all I get is criticism. Of course I appreciate it. But I get the sense there's some kind of envy going on. I'm not trying to sound proud by saying it, that's just what my gut is telling me. I could be completely wrong.
All I know is if that was the case I wish she'd just tell me upfront. I don't like feeling like I should tiptoe around the subject of my writing. Especially when its something no one else but her is really interested in. People find it weird when I tell them I spent my weekend just writing. Don't understand why I'm so happy with just achieving that with no writers block.
I guess to them it is a little sad. I spend my days inside doing nothing much but writing. They don't feel the rush of excitement I feel when I'm putting down in words a story that's been bugging me for week, months, maybe even years.
I ask my family and friends to read what I've written so I can discuss. It's always a “we'll do it later”. But later never comes. Is it so bad that I want someone I can totally share this with outside of protagonize? I go to the local write-ins and the atmosphere is great. But I still barely know most of them and feel awkward trying to start up a conversation. Not many of them write the same genres as me. Most of them aren't writing until NaNoWriMo and are doing university related work.
I don't really know where I'm going with this rant anymore. I guess I'm just feel randomly lonely or something.