Conflicted

"The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head." - Terry Pratchett

I... I don't know what to do any more.  I used to know...  I used to know so well!  I thought I knew everything, but that was always okay, because at least I still tried back then.

Okay, so, I quit when I saw myself for what I was.  A prideful little fool, I won't deny that.  So amped and ready to conquer the world that I didn't see the storm coming.  Ever since then, since I fell off that old pedestal of mine, I've been smart.  Well, smart enough; I know my limits, I know what I am, who I am, and all that rot...

So why can't I do anything any more?  Slowing down, looking both ways--what's the difference between caution and wasting your life away, looking over your shoulder?  I don't even know if I'm better off now; I might have found how I was lying to myself, but that doesn't mean I've found the truth now.

I can't help but think it's all in my head...  But when you can't even listen to your own head, what's left to turn to, right?  I'm fighting it, asking questions, searching for truth every step of the way, but all this thinking months later and my clue hasn't come back.  Living life without a clue...  Worse, the full knowledge that what you know isn't what you should, and won't be.  Doubt's a complicated thing, I s'pose.

The End

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