Keeping to Myself

People—my parents especially—have always asked me why I prefer being by myself. I have never been a fan of large social gatherings, mainly the ones where my close-knit circle of acquaintances does not show its solidarity around the venue.

Exhaustion was the main cause, in my opinion. Family wore me out with the same old questions: "How's school? Where are you going to college? Have are your grades?" If I wanted to talk day in and day out about my studies, I would go to class on weekends.

I wouldn't call myself the most timid person in the world, but it takes quite a bit for me to be the one to start a conversation. Even here on Protagonize, unless I have a question to ask, I have probably never spoken to you, reader. Of course I want to change that, but I'm no good at starting a conversation.

Some of my so-called "friends" even wonder why I'm not as talkative as I used to. Well, maybe if you didn't crack a joke every time I opened my mouth, I might have to confidence to say something, anything. Honestly I no longer think of them as friends more than acquaintances.

If I had a super close-knit circle where I could be incredibly sociable around, I know who they are. If any of you remember RoseBrennan, she would be in that group. I'm not averse to creating new friendships, but when I do, it always seems like the wrong people. That has been a problem my entire life, and it should upset me.

That's the real issue: It rarely does.

I am too nice to people I dislike. Maybe I enjoy being courteous and polite. Maybe I'm a masochist who likes the damage toxic people assert upon me.

I keep to myself because of these reasons, and my room is like a sanctuary to me. My room, where I can write until my heart's content, where I can play video games to relieve the stress, where I can sleep when my batteries need to recharge.

Please don't think that I don't like being approached, because I do enjoy making a new friend. Just don't expect me to be a social butterfly, because then you have approached the wrong person. 

The End

4 comments about this exercise Feed