I felt kind of crazy. Mental. Ill.
I shuddered. I was just emotional, and I was scaring myself. A knock sounded on my door.
"Violet?" I recognised the voice - Jade - asked. "I need help." So do I, I thought bitterly to myself.
"Go away. I have my own plan," I admitted.
"Girl, I'm going to help you. Want revenge? I can help. I'm going to find Ian, and doubtless Arc will be with him." That changed things.
"Come in." I murmured. I did not move my position - curled up into a ball on my bed, my hands balled into fists, hugging my chest as if it would protect it. I felt the bed lower only slightly as Jade gracefully placed herself on my bed next to me. Her mouth opened hesitantly.
"I'd leave Arc to you, while I get Ian. Then we'll be able to get to Meita, maybe save her, and maybe kill Renon too. Sound good? I can make it real easy." I argued with myself. I wanted to do this but at the same time I didn't.
"Jade, I'm not staying here. I'm not sure if I want you by my side, though. I'll get back to you, though. Soon." I stumbled on words, repeating some too many times. Like I care. I sighed briefly.
"Sure. I'll wait in the living room. I want to know something first, anyway." She got up and swung my door shut, catching it with her hand so it didn't slam on the door frame. Then she swiftly and gently pulled it shut.
I screamed a muffled scream into my dark black pillow. I couldn't have been born in the year after or before, could I?
Hell, NO, I couldn't.
Like I didn't already have enough probems. I realised I was gasping for air, so I clutched my chest. I shut my eyes and felt for my heart. Any traces of it. Any signs of beating.
But there was no evidence.
Tingles ran up and down my cold skin. It was freezing, but yet, I was absolutely boiling in side. It felt like physical heat, but maybe it wasn't.
Maybe I was boiling in fury.