Joan

I awoke in my room at home, completely disoriented and not entirely sure this wasn't where I was supposed to be.  But then I remembered Sophina and stupid Gavin and their street performing antics, I'd been in a crowded Mc Donalds hiding out in the bathroom and now I was here.

My grandmother was sitting to the right of my bed.  I didn't bother asking here how I'd gotten here.  It didn't matter.  I had dissapointed her and that far overshadowed everything.  "they found you on the floor of a fast food restaurant Joan, a disgusting floor" "who?" I asked in a hoarse whisper expecting the answer to be Soph, In a way I had hoped to be some sort of role model for the girl.  If she'd seen me like that then she must be disgusted by me.

"people, Joan, random people who eat at Mc Donalds, thank goodness someone called me on your cell phone along with an ambulance so i could go run interference.  I've got to talk to Stella about what she's doing with you girls, I mean first the stalking fiasco with that disrespectful girl and now this.  Thank goodness I got there or you'd probably be in the papers and you should be thankful that I convinced the paramedics to let me take you back here instead of to the hospital.  The embarassement."

I didn't know what to say.  I had been incredibly disrespectful and there was no way I could make up for it, not really.  I looked over at the old alarm clock i had sitting to the left of my bed, it was 9:00P.M.  I hadn't missed the audition or overslept or anything, I realized with  relief.

"I'll leave after the audition."  my grandmother put a hand to her forehead as she always did when she was vexed.  "I don't know about that Joan, The Mother in me wants to say no, it's not healthy but the ballet instructor in me agrees, you're fine now, you can't pass this up you have to go, it's what we've been working so hard for so long for."

Again my grandmother's speach had rendered me speechless.  The thought of missing the audition created a  sinking feeling in my stomach and yet I could the exhaustion in my limbs and I knew I wouldn't be performing to the best of my ability by tomorrow.  "we'll see after the doctor comes" finalized my Grandmother.

She left my room and my grand father came in exchanging a reassuring pat onto her shoulder and he sat at the foot of my bed.  " hey, how's it going kid?"  I gave him a wan smile.  My grandfather was always so logical and easy going yet I never got to spend enough time with him.  If there was a person I wanted to see right now aside form my mother it was him.

"You've been through alot you know, you are one of the strongest people I know.  I want you to know that you shouldn't be ashamed of yourself for this, we've all got our demons and what matters isn't what they are but how we overcome them.  You've got a lot of strength in you and I know you'll be all right."  He jabbed at my chin as he used to when I was in elementary school and I felt a giggle rise out of me.  It hurt my throat and stopped short.  "think about what you want Joanie, think about what decision your going to live the rest of your life with, I know tht a dancer's life might be over by the time she's hit her mid twenties but kid you're a lot more than a dancer and you're going to be around a lot longer than that so use that noggin I've always been so proud of and really think this through alright?"

I nodded at him and let my eyes flutter closed as he exited the room leaving me alone to think.  Thoughts as to what was the right thing to do in my predicament were only the whispiest foggiest imaginings when my eyes were startled open by the ringing of my phone.  It was Sophina.

The End

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