'It's been a long, hard road Grandma.’ I began. ‘There have been challenges along the way, obstacles determined to bring me down, to shatter my confidence and destroy my self-belief but I have finally made it, and you are the one I need to thank for this. You were the one that stuck by me through thick and thin, you encouraged me, you believed in me Grandma, when no one else did.’
I smiled. It felt so incredibly right saying this, every word rang clear and true. It was like I had kept a lid on my emotions for the past three months, never once daring to speak what I was really thinking, what I really needed to say, but now I realized what a fool I had been.
‘So you see Grandma, you are the one I really need to thank. I know I don’t tell you this everyday and you deserve so much for me to tell you, but I guessed I have been kind of caught up in the wonder of it all. Oh it’s all so surreal! It feels like I am in a dream and any moment now I am going to wake up and reality is going to crash on me like a kick in the stomach.
‘I keep pinching myself you know,’ I laughed. ‘Just to make sure this is actually happening. You never doubted my abilities. You told me it would be a gruelling journey, you told me what to expect, you geared me up for battle. I have so much admiration for you Grandma. I owe you my life. I love you.’
I breathed in the fresh air slowly, savouring it, thankful to be there. Thankful to be able to finally tell my Grandma how much I appreciate everything she had done for me. Thankful to be alive.
‘I brought you something.’
Reaching into my bag, I brought out some flowers. The plastic wrapping crackled beneath my fingers and I inhaled the delicious scent of the roses before placing them down carefully.
‘I’ll see you soon,’ I whispered, standing up.
Clouds began to roll by overhead, threatening me with rain. Nothing could ruin my mood though. It felt as though a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I stroked my Grandma’s headstone one last time before heading out of the cemetery, the warm feeling of love spreading throughout my body.
Love and release.
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