At my last appointment with Deanna, she was so pleasantly surprised at the difference in my demeanor that she commented on it several times. I knew I felt better, but I hadn’t really noticed a physical change. But thinking back to those past appointments, I know exactly what she was talking about.
I would drop my entire weight back like I couldn’t hold it up. My voice was dry and flat, exhausted after faking cheer and enthusiasm all day. Any responsibilities I had would be listed like a mountain piling over me, like I was going to be buried alive and there was no way to escape it. My thoughts were in a fog; there were no conclusions I could come to on my own.
Now I was sitting forward, engaged in the conversation, honestly caring. I had a lot to do, but it was an it’ll-suck-but-I-can-do-it attitude, something different than I’d ever had before. And some things I didn’t know the answers to, but a lot of things I came to terms with and found closure for.
I guess it was a subtle transformation from one to the other, but now that I’m done with it I can’t even begin to imagine the difference between the person I was two and a half months ago and the person I am now.