Reflections, contains some profanity, probably trigger warnings too.
“Hey. How are you?”
Deep breath. Exhale sharply. “I’m… fine.”
It’s a reflex for most of us, when we pass someone, to exchange greetings and ask how they are. Sometimes we get an honest answer, but most of the time it’s the generic fine, good, or on an exceptional day, great.
I used to be a bit overdramatic (or maybe I was just really honest) and say “Oh, you know, stressed. But I’ll survive.” Now that it’s more than a little stress, now that I might not actually believe I’ll pull through alright, I find it’s impossible to admit such a thing so casually.
I told myself I wouldn’t hide my depression, but it’s not so easy.
I want so desperately to be okay. I want so desperately to be back to being just like everyone else – stressed out of my mind but able to handle it. I already kind of think of this semester as my personal “Dark Age”, which is really humiliating. More on this later, I’ve got other things to write.