This is the story of a powerful, unstoppable, daring and clever magician who has stolen a crystal capable of ending the world from a dangerous witch.
He is trying to get it back to Area 17 in Chicago before the witch has a chance to get a claw on him. However there is only one problem--well 11 actually, he has multiple personality disorder
1.You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
Shanya Black had a complex. It was not her fault. Some would say, it was what was expected when your five eldest brothers are worlds renowned villains with sophisticated castles and evil lairs dotted across the eastern hemisphere and all they'll send you are photographs of their last evil plan success. Ever since she was a little girl Shanya had wanted to do the things her brothers did. But her parents just didn't have that kind of faith in her.
They believed she just wasn't cut out for this whole evil jig so instead they took her away with the intention of putting her in a dark tower guarded by a fearsome dragon. Then maybe some poor sucker prince would come and save her thinking she was some beautiful princess.
Here is where her parents laughed heartily.
However, they'd been on a trip to America at the time they hatched this plot of getting rid of their daughter and gaining a kingdom. Well nobody told them there are no castles in America let alone the western dessert where they were traversing in search of lizard blood. So the best they could come by was a rundown old mill surrounded by a herd of wild buffalo.
And this is how Shanya Black ended up as the Wicked Witch of the West alone in her mill would be tower with her complex. Whatever the reason for her complex she wore it as proudly as she now wore that ridiculous buffalo skin frock, that someone lied to her about and told her it made her look gorgeous. Had she owned a mirror she'd realize otherwise and think twice about buying things from a conman again.
So Shanya made the best of her little mill trying to out evil her brothers across the Atlantic. But in a lawless ramshackled spot of land in the Wild West it's pretty hard to do something horrendous that your neighbor hasn't already done or that people around here will even pay attention to. But at last...
"I've done it!" Shanya cried raising the glowing crystal above her head and inspecting the Partial contained inside the crystal. The gold specks glittered and spun inside the crystal in a never ending spiral. The light the Particle created filled every corner of the cobweb covered room.
"Done what?" Asked the assassin as he sat boredly in a chair, chewing glumly on a bit of tobacco.
The witch had hired an assassin once she'd made the decision to become the first girl villain to destroy the world. And The Kid was the only one who was cheap enough. But he had many flaws. He wouldn't wear black leather anything, didn't have any scares nor was he missing an eye and he didn’t even interesting eyes to make up for that. He wouldn’t call her 'majesty' in a cold European accent, nor did he call himself an assassin but rather a gunslinger. Yes, The Kid was a real mood killer.
"I've perfected the one and only Particle that is capable of destroying the world!" Shanya cried in her best wispy voice bring the crystal down for the Assassin to gaze upon its glory.
"Why is it so tiny?" The Kid asked.
Shanya growled in frustration.
"Size doesn't matter! It’s going to destroy the world! As you're all crying out your last cry will you care how small the device was that killed you?!" She demanded.
"It's hardly scary." The assassin pointed out.
Shanya rolled her eyes, sometimes she wondered how she put up with this man.
"The destruction of the earth is scary in its self, okay!" She said exasperatedly.
The Kid gazed at her thoughtfully.
"I dun't know about ya'll but dun't we kinda need the world too?" He asked.
"You over think things you know that, you're just supposed to grovel and flatter me." Shanya sighed putting down her crystal on its delicate copper stand and putting a dark cloth to cover it.
“I’m going to get a drink, you want something?” The Kid asked standing up and fixing his guns.
“No thanks I need to think!”
The Kid rushed off quickly to the nearest honky-tonk and Shanya left the crystal to tend to her evil intentions in her basement.
Since none were here to listen to her evil monologue Shanya contented with rehearsing it to herself. Being sure to fit in the vanity of man, like she’d read in so many of her books.
“Your vanity has blinded you, to all that can be achieved with magic. You use it to pull rabbits from hats but I shall use it to pull your destruction out of this earth! Witness your own end! Muahhaa--”
Shanya froze at the sound that came from the crystal's room.
“Assassin?!” She called no response.
“No!” She cried turning on her heels and rushing up to the stairs back towards her precious crystal.
She pushed open the door to the crystal room seconds to late to stop the theft but just in time see the coat tails of a leather jacket as the dark figure of her crystal thief jumped out the window.
“No!” Shanya Cried rushing to the window and gazing down below. On the ground the thief straightened his wide brimmed hat and mounted his horse tucking the crystal carelessly under his arm.
Shanya threw herself from the window as the thief and his horse raced off towards the horizon, the sun had set long ago. She landed on the ground and conquered up a pair of four wheeled roller skates and started her pursuit.
Sure other witches used brooms but Shanya had always been afraid of heights and the bicycle was never her forte. The Kid had suggested she get a horse but those things were so passé; everyone had one! However, she was soon to learn you can’t roller skate through a herd of buffalos.
As the thief rode away with her one and only success and she tried to push her way passed two very disgruntled buffaloes she could enjoy the irony that the one time she needed her hired assassin was the one time he decided to leave. But this would not end so! She concluded resting against the side of one of the buffaloes. She would find that thief.
Making a clumsy turn in the tall grass she rushed back to her mill and down to her basement. Kneeling in front of a beat up old recycled chest Shanya pulled out her invisible ring of keys and had a world of trouble finding the right key to open it. But at last she found it and pushed it into the lock, it popped open. Inside resting on a valet cushion was her mechanical tracker monkey. Built from rusty copper tubes, wires and old clock parts and dressed in banana peels; she’d named him Buddy.
Winding the monkey to a start she led him up stairs to the scene of the crime and let him inspect the place. Buddy was no ordinary tracking monkey, you’d be surprised how many there are out there, he didn’t track by foot prints or smells, and those changed to quickly and were easy to hide. No he tracked by personalities, now you just try and change one of those.
“Impossible.” Shanya said smiling her best menacing smile.