Sometimes, the very presence of Evan and the way he scrutinizes me is enough to make me spill the beans. I felt so bare...so revealed in front of him. He could see through me so easily and the question that made its way to my mind is whether I was the one being an open book, or if he just has a big enough influence on me to see past the protective walls I've put up.
As for me, it put me in more pain when I saw him suffer as a cause of my actions or what I'm going to do. Him seeing through my mask could be an easy disadvantage as he carries a boulder he doesn't deserve. Guilt is no sweet emotion. It's like invisible matter gnawing away the sides of your heart, making you more vulnerable and scared.
Staring into Evan's emerald eyes as we sat beside the river, guilt took over. He didn't deserve this. Not as much as I did. Just as I was about to start apologising for everything, Evan leaned in and placed his lips on mine softly; kissing me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer so I was somehow cuddled against his chest. The kiss was different. Very different from the way he'd kissed me before. The feeling that spread through my chest in those moments made me feel strange, like I was on fire but not in a lustful way. Happiness, sorrow, passion...it was like a mixture of those emotions that I felt. It made my heart slow down completely. Is this...is this love?
I treasured the kiss. This feeling is meant to be remembered in the future, a future which Evan might be part of or not. The thought only made me savor every second I had left with him and to try to ignore the peircing pain shooting through my chest.
The kiss came to a finish when we both parted and looked deep into the others eyes, foreheads touching. But the feeling it left didn't go away. And somehow, without having to say it, I knew this feeling is mutual. Evan loves me. And I love him. I don't mean this just as a blunt statement.
Evan had stolen my heart somewhere along the way. And more then ever, I wished I'd be able to take it back from him to make things easier.