I stared long and hard at my mug of beer. I had gotten it about an hour ago and I still hadn't touched it. I had gotten it to give myself something to do, but now I didn't really want to drink it. I didn't like the dirty, rowdy bar I was sitting in. I didn't like the fact that the barkeepers daughters kept vying for my attention. I wanted to leave. But I wasn't sure where to go.
I had been rescuing a princess from a tower guarded by a dragon. I don't know why she was there or why a dragon was guarding her. But her parents told me that they wanted me to rescue her. They also said that they would give me her hand in marriage as a prize. I had planned to refuse.
Personally, I thought that marrying someone against my will was less a prize and more a contract. Besides, most of those princesses were snotty brats. Some parents tried to sweeten the deal with things like half the kingdom and lots of gold. But in the end marriage is still marriage and I wanted to get married to the right girl. Saving princesses was just a hobby of mine.
So anyway, I had gotten her out of the tower and we were making a run for it when the dragon woke up from the sleeping potion I had given it and came after us. I must have miscalculated the dose. Did I mention the razor sharp teeth and its armored body? And let's not forget the fact that it could shoot flames from its mouth. Unfortunately, it picked her up by her ridiculously long dress and flew away. I only saved myself by jumping to the side at the last second.
It was terrible. I had never lost a princess. Ever. And now I had no idea what to do.What was I suppose to tell her parents? How would I ever show my face in public again? I put my head down on the table. Suddenly there was a resounding crash. No one in the bar paid much attention, but my interest was piqued.
Leaving my beer at the counter, I leaped over a passed out bum and exited the bar. The noise seemed to have come from the forest. I unsheathed my sword and ran through the forest. When I finally found what I was looking for I was completely stunned. There was a huge...well, I am not sure what it was. It had smashed through the tree, turning them into kindling.
There were two figures standing there. One was a strange creature I had never seen before. A new type of goblin perhaps. The other was a beautiful maiden, completely unclothed. I stood stunned for a few seconds, then threw my cloak over her. Then I turned to face the creature. Unless that strange device in its belt was a weapon, it was unarmed. I refused to fight an unarmed foe. Sheathing my sword and stepping in front of the woman I called out to the strange goblin.
"Are you friend or foe?I command you to answer me."
"Well, I am an ambassador from the planet of Mijar."
"Mijar? I have never heard of such a kingdom."
"It is not a kingdom. It is a planet."
"Pla...net?" What was that? Something from my astronomy lessons?
The goblin face palmed. "Basics!" I decided that this was an insult and was about the challenge him to a duel when a head popped out of the ground.