The bloody machine was beeping at me again.
"Yeah, well beep to you too."
It really hadn't been a terribly good day for me. You see, I woke up and my suit didn't quite look right on me. Typical. So that had to be my priority - wash it, sort it out. Then I discover that my pod isn't working properly and the next thing I know, the beeping starts.
I decided to look out of the window and saw a planet coming up pretty fast.
"Oh great." was the first thing I said. Then I dashed over to the mirror - I looked presentable.
"Last report of Agent Eshuhallapakchokuw. I appear to have encountered some sort of technical difficulties and so am about to crash land so to speak. I have been looking for any trace of intelligent life in the area, to see if there is any race that could help us, but there is nothing here of any use. I require assistance, if there's anyone out there." I sighed, wondering how long I'd be stuck on this rock.
"Pretty please." I added just before the console hissed and sparked at me. "Someone's feeling moody today."
I swivelled on my comfy chair, walking slowly across the width of the pod. A second later, I hit the far wall and my fingers ran over the teleportation controls whilst my other hand reached for my weapon. With one finger push, I disappeared in a glitter of particles.
I found myself surrounded by trees. Great.
"Looks like I've got myself a bunch of basics." I muttered under my breath.
"Hello!" I called out, talking to the trees. "I am an ambassador of the planet Mijar. I come in peace."
They didn't respond, they just swayed in the light breeze. I looked intently at the nearest, hoping that it would get the message and say something.
"Well that's just bloody rude!" I shouted, storming off. "Won't any of you talk to me? I don't bite. Unless you like that kind of thing." I winked, giving one of them a little stroke. I felt a leaf fall from it and cover my eye. I wiped it away, cursing.
I could hear a rush of wind above me - it was my pod about to crash.
"This is what you get for not talking." I hissed and laughed a little as it ploughed through a group of them, leaving a slightly burnt trail. I broke into a jog, following the pod with great ease. I caught up with it in seconds, tapping on the keypad to open it up. That's when the bloody beeping started again.
I stepped back and resisted the urge to kick it, instead pulling my gun out and aiming it at the door. Moment before I pulled the trigger, the door flew off, hitting me and sending me backwards. The metal pressed me up against a tree, putting me in a sandwich that I wasn't terribly comfortable with.
"It's because I was sarcy isn't it?" I pushed the door away and apologised to the tree. "Useless bitch." The pod clearly heard me since it spewed out a gust of smoke, moving it slightly but pushing me back again. I was getting rather angry and was about to take it out on the trees when a scantily clad female entered my field of vision.
"Excuse me." I hollered in my most normal voice. "I don't suppose you could help me could you?"
I walked towards her, extending my arm. She took one look at me and didn't respond.
"Hello?" She looked at me, unsure if I was talking to her. "Yes you. The nearly naked one."
I smiled widely, trying to seem friendly but I had a worrying thought - did she think I was smiling because she was naked and I liked that look?
"Nice dress." I said politely. "It really suits you."