I get naturally homesick for a life I can't remember, and I always feel it worst when we all come back to the academy. I worry myself into hysterics for days, and don't talk to anyone at all, and everyone thinks I'm unfriendly and weird.
The truth is that I'm terrified.
Terrified of the academy, and the people, and mostly of myself and this peculiar power I have. These odd transformations.
But worst of all is that I can't control the transformations. I can control the way I act and the way I speak, in a general sense, even though I do regret virtually everything I do. And I can help myself become more as I'd like to be, also in a general sense, even though it would be going against everything that is me.
I hate myself. It's awful. I hate myself because I have no family, and no friends, I have flat hair, and skin so pale I look ill most of the time. And I hate myself because I can't control my transformations.
And it makes me feel so small and unpowerful. I wish I was clever like Talutah, or sweet like Kayla, or funny like Brina. But I'm not. I'm just me: Mio, who doesn't talk to people and can't do anything she wants to do when she wants to do, because my conscience will always hunt me down, and my conscience doubts everything about me, or simply because of a physical inability to transform like everyone else here.
I'm trapped inside my own head, and I can't get out. Maybe I never will get out.