Xannya- Desperation

My feet gave way and my knees crashed onto the torn pavement. Rats scuttled out of the gutter, and smoke twisted into the blue skies causing it to turn grey. I held my ears shut. It was so loud, and I didn’t want to hear anything, but I could hear everything; the twittering of the mice as their tiny paws scratched the smouldering rock, the dying flames flickering in the breeze, the howling wind crying for its planet, and a voice. A human’s voice, I think.

""Don't worry.....you out......... Hold On! Someone screamed in the distance. There had to have been other survivors, and they were close. They couldn’t have been too far away; my ears wouldn’t have picked it up if they were.

My eyes searched frantically for any sign of movement, I could see so clearly, the rocks, the charred billboard and the remains of an old GAP Store, I could even see colours I had never imagined, but no sign of life.

I ran frantically towards the chaos, looking, crying for someone, anyone with answers.

Am I hearing voices in my head now?!  Was that voice a hallucination? Was Norah dead now? Was I going to die? Am I the last man alive?’ Thoughts erupted in my mind. They turned more depressing. ‘What happened to my parents? I don’t even know if I had any, but yesterday, there was always the slight chance of meeting them, now, there was none...Would I ever experience love, get married, lead a normal life, with kids, maybe a dog, somewhere on the coast in California? Maybe if I did not drink so damn much, I would have had a boyfriend, one who loved me..., is there no chance left? Can I still make my life worth something if there is nothing to make it worth with?

I burst into tears and crumpled to the floor in agony. I was alone. I had never felt such a deep urge for a good bottle of Black Label. Just drink my lungs out, and put all my pains and fears to sleep.

I’m going to die, alone, with no one. Just a piece of trash..why, why WHY!?" I thought to myself, over and over again, till my thoughts grew louder than the noise around.

"WHY ME!?" WHY ME, GOD, OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU COULD HAVE SAVED, ME?!?!" I yelled in my head, banging my fists on the decrepit wall that stood, shaking weekly. The wall groaned, and crashed to the ground. I picked at the remains, and began to laugh cynically. I fell flat on my stomach and laughed, swore a thousand times, and banged my fists to the floor yelling and screaming, throwing a tantrum....I needed someone, anyone to tell me I was not alone. Then, I thought, that if there was no one left, I was useless. I was going to be alone forever. I did not want that....I thought of simply dying, killing myself to prevent further pain.

I began to scramble on the ground in a desperate attempt to search for something sharp enough to pierce through my skin, sharp enough to end my useless existence.


The End

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