When its over I lie next to Robin still and awake while the girls sleep. “That felt wrong”
“Very” I reply with a shiver. I feel so sick of myself. I only did that to rid myself of the pain I was feeling. Robin shrugs.
“Didn't to me” he says and I flinch. Pain burns strongly in my heart and it hurts badly. “What?”
“I.... I only did it cause seeing you.... it hurt” I say and Robin arches his eyebrow. I look across at him. “You turn me down but fuck a stranger” I lean over and kiss Robin hoping to get a reaction of something. When I get no reaction I move on top of him. “Please”
“I won't ever give up”
“Cause its the last thing I need”
When I get no reply I kiss him again but he continues to do nothing. “Please” I whisper but get no reply again which makes me frown.
“I'm sorry” he says and I find myself tilting my head confused. “I can't hurt myself like that”
“Then I guess I'll just go die” I say and get up beginning to get dressed. Robin sighs and I look back at him. “I love you”
“Then why are you not helping me?”
“Because there's nothing I can do that won't hurt me”
“But you'll make me better”
“I don't want to die empty” I feel suddenly frightened. Robin bites his lips and I just look down at the floor.
“One time” the words are so quiet. I freeze completely still.
"I'll be with you one more time and that's it. I can't keep doing this to myself"
I find myself completely frozen and in shock that I can't even respond. Eventually I find words in my mouth. “I'm going home” I mutter and leave. Robin doesn't follow and I slam the door behind me. When I get to the apartment I just sit on the sofa legs pulled up to my chest. A few hours later Robin shows up.
“Hey” he says quietly. I look at him before burying my face back in my knees. “What's up?”
“I'm hurting you” I choke out. No reply. “It's true, right?”
“You hurt me when you left”
“I'm still hurting you though” I say. Robin sighs and I begin to cry soaking my trousers with blood from my eyes.
“Don't cry” I don't listen and continue. “Please” I look up at Robin with blood stained cheeks. He wipes away my tears and I just stare at him. “Please, Eli”
“Don't cry” he says and I just look at the floor. I then curl up on the couch and Robin sighs.
“Can I have a hug?” I ask. Robin comes over and hugs me. It feel so right just being in his arms.