Late for the Parents' Evening

Version One

She crept into the school hall and edged along the back row of seats, mumbling apologies to each and every parent who had to bob up to let her pass.

Her sparse hair clung to her scalp, damped down with sweat, which also trickled in two runnels down her raspberry-red cheeks.  Once seated, she looked straight ahead, as if blinkered, perched on the edge of the seat so stiffly she seemed sculpted.

Version Two

Late again.  Just once, it would be nice to arrive on time.  The hall was almost full.  Of course it was.  A few seats remained, in the back row, and naturally she'd have to walk past quite a few of these stuffy, snotty mums and dads to get to the nearest empty one.

'Sorry... Sorry... Sorry...' she said, before finally, mercifully, reaching her goal. She felt sweat trickling down her blazing cheeks.

Please don't look at me; I won't look at you if you don't look at me.  If I don't move an inch, perhaps you won't notice I'm here.

Version Three

Oh dear, it's Mrs. Hopkins, late as usual.  Poor woman.  I know she has a lot on her plate but if she'd just start out earlier...  She looks harrassed, as usual. poor thing. And embarrassed. As if she wants the floor to open and swallow her up.  Look at her, making her way along the back row.  She ought to take more pride in her appearance, too; she always looks a mess.  Low self-esteem, I suppose.  She doesn't think she's worth a second glance.

Right.  She's found a seat. Good. I hope she relaxes a bit.  She's making me feel tense.

'Thank you for taking the trouble to come out tonight, ladies and gentlemen.  Now we're all here, let's get started.'

Author guidance for This exercise

EDITING, REWRITING & POLISHING GROUP EXERCISE

There are many ways to draw your reader a word-picture of a character.

In this exercise, write the same scene (just two or three paragraphs) from the following points of view:

ONE

Third person viewpoint - an external narrator who is NOT omniscient and not judgmental. In other words, he cannot read any thoughts or interpret behaviour, so you must show us your character from external signs only. The ultimate show-don't-tell.

TWO

Third person omniscient - you can see inside the head of the character as well as describing what you see externally.

THREE

First person viewpoint but NOT from the main character's POV. So, you can describe the character's physical appearance and actions, and draw conclusions, but cannot read thoughts. (You don't need to tell us who the viewpoint character is. Hopefully, we should be able to tell...)

updated Feb 5 '10 by Tasha_Noble