Word Count: 628
That night I dreamt of nothing. It was the morning that got me.
Rayn had always had nightmares about his dad and woken up at four or five in the morning without fail. This morning, I’d been the one to wake up early – there was a distinct lack of noise around me. I looked around for him, and it was only then that I remembered what had happened.
I felt like the world was trying to squash me like a little bug. It was doing this to spite me. I had survived everything it had thrown at me so far and now it just wanted to get it over with. The quickest way to cripple me had always been to keep Rayn from me, and now he was going to be kept from me forever. I’d never see him again.
I honestly couldn’t see my life without him. Picturing a life without him was impossible and made my head hurt.
Suddenly I got real angry, real quick. It wasn’t my fault he was dead, it was the fucking world. The cunts in the labs that made this fucking stupid piece of shit virus. I found myself on my feet, wordlessly shouting at the shelving unit in front of me. Joe woke up, startled by the noise. He leapt to his feet as I ripped a shelf out of the unit, using it to beat the shit out of the rest of them. Cans of cheap dog food and cleaning stuff clattered to the floor, some bursting open.
“You’re gonna attract zombies!” Joe yelled at me, though he didn’t make a move to stop me.
“I don’t care!” I screamed at him, “I don’t care if there’re any here. We’re in the shit end of nowhere, no one fucking lived here to get infected. There’s nothing here!” the flimsy metal shelf buckled and folded up on itself. Where it was shorter, I ended up beating my hands bloody on that fucking unit. I didn’t care about that, either. I welcomed the pain. It was something to fucking feel.
“Cancer!” Joe tried again but he wasn’t gonna get through to me any time soon. I threw the shelf at his head, blood flying off with it and splattering his shirt.
“NO. YOU DON’T GET IT DO YOU? THERE’S NOTHING ANYWHERE FOR ANYONE!” I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so angry. I don’t think I ever had been before. “JUST GET OUT!” he shrank away from me, seeing that look he’d only seen once before. Without another word, he left, shutting the door behind him.
I didn’t calm down until I’d destroyed the whole shop. Nothing could just sit there oblivious to the shit that was happening. Nothing could escape it, not even those fucking boxes of tissues all neatly stacked up on shelves. I was destroyed, they had to be too. Everything had to be.
Without Rayn there to help calm me down, I raged on like that for a long fucking time. I didn’t know how I wouldn’t end up spontaneously combusting without him around. He was my fucking anchor and now I was left floating without anything to hold me in reality. My temper was volatile enough as it was without me slipping off into my own fucked up world with no way back.
Finally, when I’d calmed down, I stumbled out of the shop, covered in my own blood from my hands and numb inside again. I just had no idea how to deal with this.
“How do you make room for something like this?” I mumbled Joe when I found him sat in the car, “how the fuck is anyone supposed to be able to deal with this shit? This world is fucked.”