whinging when people get on ur nerves bu going on and on and on about things which really brings you down
Most things are good whilst they last, but then, then they end, and soon comes the aftermath. So u you spend a good 3 days with your sis who is like your best friend, you get along just I don’t know….. really well, anyway, she is busy the whole time and u don’t get any time to clean, which by the way is why ur there, to help her, and because ur so close , it doesn’t matter why ur spending time together, all that matters is that you are. But then , then you go home, and the fun time is over, you back with people that don’t understand you, and people that bitch and carry on meanly about ur sis who you just stayed with, and they get together and have like…bitch fest’s or something, I don’t know, maybe, maybe this family is just Pathetic, everyone is always whinging about someone else in the family, what is wrong are me and grace the only sane ones, or just me, I don’t know. I get so angry, angry with everyone around me, and angry, angry with myself because I can’t do anything about it. And all I can do, is make it worse, so so I don’t say anything, then get called a liar, but it’s not lying it’s not speaking, or sometimes I don’t tell the whole story, It’s still not lying.
I just can’t fathom, why, why mom seems to pick on me and grace all the time, it’s like everything we do is wrong and everything Miriam and mainly Jessica does it right, just cuz we don’t suck up, does that make us the bad ones, mom loves to wing and pick on people, she strives of others aura, always sucking at your good energy, To make herself feel better, the other person has to feel bad.
She makes me scared, more scared then I should be, I don’t , don’t like talking to her about my future, cuz I don’t want her to hear the desperation in my voice, to see how desperate I am to get out of this place and away from her. She makes me scared about talking about my licence and when I want to get it and teaching me, god her teaching me, I don’t know, how to please her anymore without disappointing myself, I don’t want to do thing I don’t like just to please her, such as hairdressing, I hate it, hate it hate it hate it, but even tho I told her I hate it, she still trying to force me into it, but I won’t back down, I know where I want to be in life, independent and far away from her, but I know I won’t get there without her, cuz moms the one helping me get everything I want and need, eventually I might thank her for some of the cruelty she has enforced upon me, but at the moment, whilst suffering from it, I choose to hate her. And I believe I have that right,
Thou I will never thank her for making me always clean the house, then telling me I don’t do a good enough job at it, or , or for whinging at me all day every day for petty things that don’t even matter. Or for punching me that day over and over again, or for all the, the horrible things she has said to me, mainly for telling me she wishes I was never born, for telling me I was the reason her and warren split up, divorced. And mainly for never noticing me, seeing I have more potential then she notices, that, that I’m not just some common whore and I am person, how can you think so little of a person that does everything for you, that goes to me and to her, why doesn’t she see me, it gets to the point where death is the better option, how anything could be better then her. And I hate her constant degrading of everyone around her , and how she seems to think she is perfect and knows everything about everything, SHE DOESN’T, she knows nothing about me, and im never gunna tell her anything about me, I do hope that soon she see’s , that she is not perfect or flawless and I hope everyone turns against her and she ends up sad and lonely, nd I hope she has a man that teeats her meanly and that she only has one really good friend that she isn’t allowed to see, so then, then she will know what it was like to me……….