Ah, here we go with the dog jokes. What is up with these mortal movies? That is absolutely not funny…at all. I’m not a mutt, I mean, yes, I definitely smell like one, but I am not a mutt. I am a werewolf, you know, with the claws that are capable of ripping you to pieces and the teeth that would love to taste your flesh. Humans these days, do you know what they’d do if they ever saw me on a full moon?
They would be all heroic and shoot me. Really? You’re gonna shoot me? I could werewolf up and eat you for breakfast, and you’re just going to make me angry. And no one likes an angry werewolf. Humans are utterly ridiculous. Where the hell do they conjure up these theories? Silver bullets…they hurt just as much as any normal bullet. Let me shoot you with one and you tell me how it feels, huh? It’s not pleasant, whether or not you’re a werewolf. But lucky me, I can heal faster than humans. It’s called regeneration. Keeps the species alive because we have a tendency to be fairly reckless, and well, to be honest some of us are just downright moronic.
And they think that when I transform, it’s just a minute long thing; I just look up at the moon and go berserk. Grow lots of fur, howl at the sky, and then run around killing stuff all night and wake up naked in the morning…All right, well I do run around killing deer all night, and I do wake up all bloody and stark naked in the middle of the forest. But hey, everyone has their quirks, right? Anyway, what was I talking about?
Right, right, I remember. Being a werewolf isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. My bones break and I tear muscles and ligaments when I shift. And it takes hours to fully transform. It’s not enjoyable to be in that much pain while your face stretches about half a foot.
I’m not a mindless beast either. I don’t just wolf out and kill people because I can or because I want to. I don’t kill people; that is just preposterous. The rumors these mundies come up with are so odd…
I think the only way to kill me is...well, actually, I don't know why I would tell you.
And what’s with the whole vampire/werewolf feud thing? Vampires are cool and all, a little smelly and pale, but they’re not too shabby. I’d rather have a vampire in my company than a human, ‘cause if I was the slightest bit hungry, there’s no chance a human could escape me. And besides, vampires like the night just as much as any werewolf does.
A lot of the werewolves I met were pretty annoying. All they did was complain about how they hate the werewolf business; they whined incessantly about being cursed. Cursed? This is freaking awesome!
Ha, you wish you were a werewolf too. I know mortals do.
Oh, that rhymed! See, another example of just how awesome werewolves are…or at least how awesome I am.