I'm a loud guy. I have a big mouth, and I'm really bad at whispering. But listen, I don't think its a bad thing.
I smile broader and laugh bigger than anyone I know, and people don't forget me. My mouth a freakin portal of vital life changing information.
To be honest, there are times when I am embarrassed. I tend to end up in the spotlight a lot, and the thing is when people notice me, they notice EVERYTHING. I wish I could be accepted, but in a world that's always changing, you're wrong if you're not.
It's sad, really. The world is full of people so busy looking for my faults to bring me down to their level, they can't see what I have to offer. It's ironic, because if they embraced my qualities, I could help them better. I want to see people smile. I think everyone likes to drown themselves in an ocean of self pity, and then to get out of it, they pursue some challenging struggle, as if working your arse off somehow brings happiness. But they've bitten off too much or swalllowed too much salf water or SOMETHING because next thing they know, they are drowning in their overextended goals, and swept right back into their pity ocean.
The problem is no one knows how to enjoy life as is anymore. To enjoy something is to fail, apparently. The world is in some giant competition to see who can overexert themself the most. It's how we define success.
I'm really frustrated with society right now. I feel like I'm watching them run laps, and they get to me, collapse, and admit they don't want to be stuck in this endless cycle of exaughtion, and yet after they have rested with me, they jump right back up. Enjoying one's self has consequences, and heaven forbid they aren't successful. They keep running, and end up right back at my feet in a pile of broken drive.
I get blamed a lot too. Sure, I might fix them up and give them the power to move on, and they do but break, and its my fault. Or they come to me seeking the answer, and they find it, but it's not good enough. My happiness is not their definition of success, and they are vengeful I can't satisfy, but they are so wound up and tired they don't have it in them to make it their choice. They'd rather trap themselves into a world they can't be satisfied in.
It might not even be so bad, everyone running in circles and drowning, but it gets lonely. I might be able to see clearly, but a nice view is best when you are sharing it with someone. I feel like a failure because I can't share my wisdom. My information portal is too quiet.
But I don't want to be blamed because people make the choice to leave me to make the same mistakes over and over again. I can only help so much. I just need to find someone who understands, and wants to change.