There are a lot of characters in my head - and most of them hate my guts. Not without reason of course, because I can be very unpleasant. My heroes are repeatedly bashed, bruised, bloodied, tormented and put in highly undignified and uncomfortable situations for the benefit of the plot. If they were real, they'd probably come after me in an angry self-righteous mob and stab me to death with pitchforks (or whatever else they could lay hands on at the time.) But, at the end of it all, they know I'll be nice enough to let them win. They've been through a lot with me, and they deserve it.

But the villains? Well, now that's another story altogether.... take this for example.

I was innocently plotting away in the realm of My Head one morning, when a somewhat panicked individual came streaking into view at the speed of light.

"Mother, may I have your protection?" he asked, eyes darting wildly this way and that. Distantly, I could hear the sound of furious howling coming from somewhere.

"Danail," I rolled my eyes, "how many times do I have to tell you? Antagonizing Gwythryn is only going to get you killed."

"I was not antagonizing him!" Danail spluttered, face turning red as I mentioned the name of my hot-tempered protagonist.

"What were you doing then?" I raised an eyebrow.

Danail's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. "But... I .... I don't deserve this treatment!"

"Don't you?" I raised an eyebrow. "I'd have thought that a man who betrayed his people, murdered his leader and tried to usurp his heir would have warranted something far more unpleasant than a few angry curses. You've dug your hole, Danail, and now you've got to deal with it."

"I didn't mean to kill Illirion! You know that!" Danail was growing more and more frustrated by the moment. "You made me do it in the first place! It's your fault this is happening!"

"Is it? I only made you jealous. In fact, the original idea was that you would prove to be something of an unlikely ally at the end of Exile, but you weren't having it! You turned away from the path I chose for you, you made the decision you wanted to be evil and you are going to have to deal with it! I only put you in the story, your actions are entirely your own fault. I can't protect you from your destiny - however unpleasant it looks like it's going to be."

Danail's face fell. He seemed to shrink visibly before my eyes; his shoulders crumpling and bottom lip beginning to tremble. A roar arose from somewhere nearby and he winced as if he had been struck.

"Then, can I ask something else?" he squeaked. I nodded cautiously.

"Mother, may I have speed?"

"Sure thing!" I grinned, cackling as the sound of snarling and heavy footsteps drew closer. "You can be as fast as you like! Because I think someone has a bone to pick with you...."


The End

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