My dad was annoying the shit out of me... He was talking about my future and acting like everything that I messed up on, like my grades or this summers summer school, was on purpose. Yeah dad, I'm bad at math just to piss you off. Maybe it was my fault tho... But I mean it's not like I'm not trying though... I actually sit there and try to pay attention, but it's kind of hard when Joe is sitting there looking over my shoulder. I seriously sometimes catch him smelling my hair or staring at me drawing. It freaks me out and then I start paying too much attention to what I'm doing. Like when I walk across the class I feel his eyes on me, so I walk a little with a little more posture and let my hips sway, but not like a cat walk sway... I'm not trying to seduce him. It's just all very distracting.
Eventually the car was quiet, I stared out the window and thought about my day while the good old country music softened the mood in the air. My dad was all tense but eventually the tension died down and I could breath again. But there would be this tightness in my chest until I got to my room and I could here my bubby's voice... I started calling Steven Bubby... I don't know why, he is so protective of me and sweet, like a big brother I never had. Except for the fact that he is also nothing like a brother to me at all. Because I imagine him standing outside my window smiling at me, climbing up and kissing me. Maybe I feel like this forbidden relationship is similar to those people who like their cousins... Yeah... We were awkward cousins. like we want to kiss and stuff but we can't because it's weird.
We eventually reached my house and I ran upstairs and threw myself onto my bed. I pulled out my phone from my bag and called Steven. It rang for a while and then he answered and I got all excited,"Bubbyyyy!" I giggled like a child, because he always makes me feel so adorable and young. I don't know why. I guess he just makes me feel like the name he calls me. That little child I used to be before I moved and changed my name at school to Guinn.
He made all the awkward feelings go away. He made me feel like a cool guy could like me. Everything was getting better in my life. His too I think. He seemed more happy. I even got to talk to his baby girl and I fell in love with her. She is so adorable. I felt like that girl who comes out of no where and just blends into the family. I talked to his mother and sister sometimes. His dad sometimes said hi to me on the phone and then goes about his business. But I still had never met him... It feels like I have, because we talk on the phone after school everyday until midnight and then fall asleep together.
I just wish with all my heart that he would randomly show up in my life so I could just hold him... He was the one I wanted. I guess being with someone while they aren't in person is better than nothing. But we weren't really together. That awkward cousin complex... God damn, I keep having to remind me that he isn't mine. But I want him to be...
Steven and I talk all night. My heart began to open up completely and I felt vulnerable... But I let it happen. I wanted to make sure that he would accept it. It felt like he was... I could feel his love going into my chest and spreading into my body. I'm so weird. But I literally can feel him. It's always like he's in the room.
As I'm about to fall asleep, Steven whispers to me,"Hey... I have a surprise for you..." He said softly, almost like he was scared or something.
I asked,"What? what is it?"
"A way to get your chocolates to you... Tomorrow at lunch. I might come see you." When he said this to me I felt my heart sink in my stomach, I was so nervous! Was I ready? I wanted it so badly... But it didn't sit well inside, I was freaking out. But I was mostly excited. I guess it just all felt too good to be true. Like watch him be an ugly fat guy with goo flooding out of his nostrils... I mean ew, but seriously, what if he isn't what I imagined. I've never seen a picture of him. For some reason he's been hesitant to send me pictures of himself. Then randomly he spoke up,"I know who you are..."
I sat up and held the phone to my ear with both hands,"Y-you do?"
"Yeah... I saw you drawing after school when you were waiting for your dad. I know it was you, You were the only pretty blonde girl in the front of the school drawing."
I gaped in the darkness,"Where were you?" All I could remember was seeing Joe walk to his truck... I didn't even look up at him, but I know it was him, I could see in my peripheral.
"Don't worry about it, I'm going to surprise you. But I don't want to make it public and have people ruin the moment... So meet me by the auditorium, I'll give you your chocolates then."
I smiled wide and lay my head on the pillow; I wasn't at all tired now, but I couldn't wait to see my Bubby!
"Just don't freak out. I'm nervous too... But I can't wait to hold you..."
I smiled soft and relaxed into my pillow,"Okay..."
It got really quiet for a little while, I couldn't even hear him breathing... Then he breathed in and said quietly, almost whispering,"I love you..."
I started to fall asleep and whispered back, and meant it,"I love you too steven..."