During the pain - I lost all sense of time - my subconscious tortured me with images of Anthony, so close I could almost touch him yet so horribly far away. Occasionally, I would see him in my cell, a hazy figure of no substance but with all of Anthony's handsomeness, with all his expression. What got to me most was the longing in his eyes and the knowledge that we were truly apart. I had thought he and I would never be apart, that after he had taken my soul to combine with his we would be together forever. But the evil force in our lives didn't wish for this to be.
It shouldn't be this way! He should be caressing my soul! Loving me dearly and tenderly! We should be out there fulfilling our destiny!
Horrific thoughts struck me. What if Tony and I were trapped for all our lives? What if we never became reunited? What if our souls were kept apart for the rest of time?! Fear rolled through me, adding its own throb to the pain I was. It was strange... Strange how the soulless could feel.
In my crazed state, I sometimes wondered if Tony's older sister was jealous. At others, I wondered if it had been Tony who had put me in this soul.
In the rare moments when my mind was a little clearer, I wondered when Andrion would rescue me. I felt more pain at remembering the way he had kissed her before me. Was he really on our side? Or was he just an employee of Tony's sister? There to torture us with the idea of freedom, but really just enjoying watching us squirm in agony?
Oh Tony... Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony.
His name repeated itself in my head, forming a long, difficult word that I reckoned I would carry to my grave: Tonytonytonytony. And there was another word which had become totally foreign to me. What was it: this concept named love?
The guards would stomp in, indistinct figures, to give me food and water I barely touched and I would ask them "What is love?"
They were cruel to me. They laughed and said "Something you'll never feel again, human."
On one occasion, they accidentally dropped a dagger. I grabbed it and held it so the tip of the blade was near my heart. Would this bring Tony?
The guards watched curiously, as if fascinated by me.
I pierced the skin gently and cast the dagger away in disgust. More pain? I couldn't endure more pain. I sighed as I lapsed back into my latest daydream of Tony.
And now... Now I knew I was dying. I had been starving myself and feeling such agony, that really, it was to be expected. I had curious dreams, from time to time, of spinning around and around, glancing from time to time a silver pulsating orb of energy. I was energy myself but instead I was gold. I caught glimpses of Alezae from time to time. She was always frowning as she watched me. At these times, I was myself. My form held my personality, my emotion and my imagination. Pain could not reach me here. I was safe. It was bliss.
I felt liberated, I was floating. And spinning didn't make me feel dizzy - it was natural. Pleasant. Especially since I revolved around this silver orb which was a part of Anthony. It was curious that Alezae should allow us to be in the same area but I was grateful to her. I couldn't hate in this state.
One time, I witnessed a whole conversation between her and an evil-looking man called Desmious. There was something else about this state - I could sense things. Snatches of thought, aspects of personality, sent like waves through the air. All the energy that radiated off Desmious was evil. I shied away from it and moved closer to the silver orb. One thing I detested about this was that something prevented us from melting together. Although, I reminded myself, the silver orb was not Tony's soul. Just his ... powers. I still didn't like being a separate entity.
The conversation... There wasn't much of it.
Desmious entered and declared that Alyssa and Andrion were evading his spies, and then he moved forwards and did something that surprised me. He held Alezae's waist and apologised for something Andrion had done. He stroked her face, making me shiver involuntarily in revulsion, and gazed deep into her eyes so it was almost like he had a certain power over her. Alezae's eyes were already vulnerable - in fact, I felt sorry for Alezae: she wasn't bad at the core, merely misled - and now she gave in totally, believing Desmious' silky lies and allowing him to see her fragility.
He leant in and kissed her, and with mild despair I watched as she kissed back. There was nothing I could do. Alezae was now putty in Desmious's hands and she would give him whatever he asked.
I returned to my living form and felt a mild sense of sympathy and sorrow towards Alezae which was quickly swept away by the familiar flood of pain.