Blinding pain. I thrashed out at the person who carried me to my prison. It made no difference, though. I was thrown unmercifully into a cold dark room where the floors and walls were made of stone. Grey, heartless, unforgiving stone. I sensed I was underground somewhere.
Torturous pain. I writhed on the hard slabs beneath me. Shivering, convulsing. So empty... So much pain... Would I go insane? There was no soul in my body: I needed my soul! The soul contained hope and love and joy. I was dejected, afraid and full of hatred for the world. I was a worm, blind in the soil... Where was my complementing person? I needed him: for comfort, for pleasure, for the knowledge that love existed. I was a part of him and right now, I felt like an amputated limb. I would never be complete without him, there was no purpose to my life without him, if I didn't get him back soon, I would surely die.
Indescribable pain. I can't count the number of times I blacked out.
"Tony," I kept moaning, though he wouldn't come.
I wanted to enter an endless sleep. Reality was unbearable, so bleak and so painful. Why couldn't I just die? Part of me would live on in Tony's body. Falling asleep to never wake up again would just cut off my physical link to the world. My body was an anchor I didn't need and really didn't want at the moment. That was a desirable prospect: just living inside of Tony. Always to feel the bliss of his love, always to feel his warmth, be enveloped by the protectiveness of his thoughts and sense the beautiful nature of his mind.
"Take it," I had breathed, so very long ago.
"I'll die without you."
Drowning in his eyes... Being immersed in his voice... Falling, always falling, through love. Falling...
I caught myself and felt the insupportable pain again. "Why?" I moaned aloud. Where had this instinct to live come from? Why couldn't the world just let go of me? I could float into Tony's body and never feel pain again if it would allow me. But Nature was cruel. I felt bitter hate for her. Who was she to stop us from having what we wanted? Nature ... was rather like Alezae.