I had eagerly waited for Tony in the park, occasionally running my finger along the back of the dolphin figurine containing my soul.
When Tony had arrived, I had been nervous but excited, anticipating giving him my soul. ‘How wonderful that would feel,' I had thought.
I had been startled when he'd snatched the dolphin out of my pocket, and felt hurt and afraid when he had shouted "What is this?!" He had held it so tightly that I had been terrified he would break it and I would never be with him.
The dolphin had started to glow and I had felt our souls uniting across the distance between me and the figurine. The sensation had been positively blissful but before the process had been able to finish, Tony had thrown the dolphin into the grass. The feelings had stopped. It had really hurt me that he had thrown my soul away so carelessly. Did he not care for me after all?
"What have you done?" he had asked, breathing heavily for some reason.
I had given my answer.
Tony's response had scared me. He had just kept repeating the word dangerous. He had gotten so angry that he had punched a tree. It had snapped in half and toppled over.
I had burst into tears, whimpering with fear.
He had come back towards me and we had embraced.
"I-I don't understand," I had told him, still crying.
I had felt like I didn't understand the world anymore. Why would it be wrong for two souls to unite, for Tony and I to be together forever?
"Shhh," he had murmured to me. "I'm sorry."
"Why can't we do it; it's so cruel! I don't understand."
He had tried to give me the dolphin back but I had told him "No."
I had conveyed that it was his, which it was. It belonged to him. I didn't want it anymore: I wanted Tony to fully accept me and complete my life.
But he wouldn't take it. He had opened my hand and placed the dolphin on my skin. I could've cried with frustration and dejection.
"I will help you understand, remember?" he had said quietly. "Please don't do that again.....it hurts me." He had sighed. "More than ever, I will want to more and more connect myself to you now that you've done this. And it's dangerous! If-if-if I beg you to give yourself to me, say no. Say no even if I may plead and plead." I closed my eyes. "I fear if I lose control of myself-as it is easy to do it around you-I may become reckless. And then I must trust you to be strong. Alright?"
Again, I hadn't been able to understand. Surely, it would be a good thing for me to give himself to him? And I wanted him to lose control of himself. Without these inhibitions we could fulfil the potential of our relationship properly. I couldn't see him as harmful to me, despite what he'd done to the tree.
But I had let him make me promise.
I had lowered my eyes. "I'm sorry," I had murmured.
So that had been the start of our meet-up. Tony had proceeded to take me to the most beautiful place in the world where he had told me that I was amazing.
So now there we were, standing in a place that would provide a beautiful experience we would remember forever.
We began to kiss. Tony's mind blanked and his passion was a raging fire in our minds. He pulled me closer, both physically and by drawing my soul nearer his across that delightful astral plane. I offered my soul to him enthusiastically and our souls entwined, reaching out for the core of the other so that complete union would happen. I felt Tony want me more, although I was already giving as much as I was able. Except... But no, he wouldn't ask for that... Would he?
‘Why not?' he asked in my mind, his mental voice sounding oddly childlike. ‘Give yourself to me, Tiffany. You know you want to.'
I did want to. But he had told me I shouldn't. He must have lost his self-control during our souls' initial touch. I could feel him delving even deeper than before into my essence. It was glorious, amazing, fantastic but this wasn't supposed to be happening.
We were already on the ground: all we'd have to do was undress. The thought appealed to me - how could it not? I had been longing to give him my soul for so long and now he was asking for the one thing I hadn't properly considered. I had a feeling that if I gave that, my soul would become his.
‘Come on, Tiffany. What are we waiting for?' He laughed joyously in my mind, continuing to kiss me with fiery intensity that almost made me lose myself too. I was drowning in him, in his passion, in his desire. But I had to stop this. He would grow angry when he came back to his senses.
‘Me angry?' he asked in mock surprise.
‘We have to stop,' I thought as I found my heart trying to pull the control over my actions from my head.
‘No we don't, Tiff. I love you, you love me, and we both know what we want. So let's have it.'
I pulled away. "No. We can't. You said."
Tony looked shocked at the fact I had pulled away. "Tiff, come on! Why are you resisting?"
"You said it was dangerous: you said you'd become reckless."
"You don't believe I would harm you." It wasn't a question; it was a statement of fact. He was using my thoughts against me.
"I know..." I hesitated, trying to find the right words. My thoughts and feelings were still a whirl of love and desire. "But you do."
"I did," he said, correcting me. "But not anymore." He looked straight into my eyes. I saw something like desperation in them. "Come on. Be reasonable, Tiff."
"I am," I said, trying not to fall into his eyes and back into the kiss. "It's you who isn't thinking straight."
"I think straight too much. It's good to let go once in a while." He moved closer to me. "I want you so badly, Tiff. So badly it hurts. Please don't do this to me."
I so desperately wanted to surrender him, to forget about the world and what was meant to happen and what was not but I couldn't help remembering the way Tony had snapped a tree in half.
"I can make you forget that," Tony said, and started kissing me again.
He pulled me close and held me so tightly that I couldn't wriggle free.
‘Tony, stop!' I thought, alarmed. Half of my body was starting to give into him, while the other half was trying to pull away. It was like being used as the rope in Tug of War.
‘Come on, Tiff.'
And his thoughts suddenly became quite dark. ‘Surrender to me, darling. I'll show you pleasure you never imagined before: greater pleasure even than that which we're experiencing now. Every single one of your wishes will come true tonight. Our souls will be one and we will be inseparable. Don't you want that darling?'
I did want that. And my heart was racing and my breathing was coming fast and heavy.
‘But ... I can't,' a faint thought said.
‘Who said you can't? You're yours to give, Tiffany. And you don't want to be yours for much longer, do you? You want to be mine. You consider yourself already mine. But you're not completely mine, Tiffany. There's only one way you can be that. So, come on. Give in to your desires.'
Thrills and chills ran down my spine, cascading like waterfalls, exploding like stars colliding.
I was suddenly extremely aware of the fact that I was underneath Tony.
Tony paused and lifted his face. "So are you going to give me what I want?" he asked, with wild flames of desire in his eyes.
"Take it," I breathed.
Total immersion, drowning, explosions, becoming a fireball of pure passion, changing, volcanic eruptions, overwhelming, a cacophony of singing souls and screaming hearts, noise, diving into the depths of an ocean, jumping off the top of a cliff, falling, soaring above mountain peaks, exhilarating, watching the walls of a palace burn around me, destruction. Desire, longing, love, longing, love, desire, love, longing. My soul was being consumed, destruction, I liked it, destruction, Tony was me, destruction, I was Tony. DESTRUCTION.
I found myself dying inside. There was so much pain but it was good: the pain was great. Tony was setting me alight, melting me, holding my head underwater so I drowned, pulling my soul out of the astral plane into his thus depriving it of ‘oxygen', knocking down my every defence, seeing right into me ... and he had every right to. And he was welcome to do it. He was totally welcome to destroy me like this. I was his, nay I was a part of him. I was a limb he could control with a subconscious thought. He was totally breaking me down and I loved it. He completely took over every one of my senses, manipulating them to react the way he wanted. Part of him.
Broken, tattered, torn, ravaged. That's how I was inside. But this was okay, this was necessary. I had needed to realise how much I needed Tony, recognise his significance in my life and now I did. Without Tony, I was nothing. An amputated arm can do nothing.
The kiss ended but the love continued. Tony stared down into my eyes and I stared back up into his.
"I believe the soul union process is complete," Tony murmured.
I let myself drown in those eyes and barely thought to respond. "I'll die without you," I whispered. And it was true.