My one-day battle with Madam Bulimia.
"Worthless!" the sickeningly sweet voice in my head screams out at me. "You will never amount to anything. You might as well give in now."
I close my eyes and turn the water in the shower a little hotter.
"You know you're weak. I know you're weak. Who are we trying to fool?"
Frustrated I grab the bottle of shampoo and squeeze an exorbitant amount into my hand. I begin to work the lather into my hair as the voice continues:
"Have you seen yourself recently? Ha! You're mom wasn't kidding when she said you needed to loose weight. A warthog has more charm than you."
Becoming angrier and angrier every second I thrust my head under the now scorching water, and begin washing out the cloud of suds that had enveloped my hair.
"Just do it. Or are you too big of a chicken to even try?"
Unsuccessfully trying to ignore the civil war that is waging in my mind I grab the conditioner bottle and absentmindedly squeeze some into my hand.
"You aren't worthy of me. You know that? I don't know why I even waste my time with you."
My stomach begins to churn as I contemplate the option. "No one will ever have to know." I tell myself.
"You're right. It could be our little secret."
"Beside, it's not like I'm actually going to develop an eating disorder or something awful like that. I just want to loose some weight." I say to myself as I kneel down by the shower drain. "It can't be that hard to stop."
"Exactly, Sweety. Just trust me. I know what you're going through, and embracing me is the only way to get through it."
"Maybe you're right. It would be foolish to keep living like this. This must be the only way out."
I bend over and look at the water carelessly swirling down the drain. My focus shifts to my right hand as I think further. "I don't want to do this. After all, I don't even like the thought of thro..." My thoughts are interrupted.
"I figured you wouldn't go through with it. YOU FAILURE!"
Infuriated I blindly thrust the fingers of my right hand down my throat.
Coughing, sputtering, wheezing.
I get nothing in return.
"What's my problem? Why can't I..." My train of thought is once again interrupted.
"Well, don't give up yet. You've only just begun. Try harder."
Again and again. Over and over. Try after try. Failure after failure. Nothing.
"I give up. I can't do this."
"I grow weary of your stupidity, you wretch." the voice mocks me
I blindly reach up and accidentally knock the water handle all the way over. A wall of freezing cold wanter hits me and brings me back to my senses.
"Oh no." I think, realizing what I've done. "How could I have possibly gone so far. I see who you really are now."
"You litt..." it's my turn to interrupt.
"NO. For once you will listen to me. I'm telling you right now. No, actually I'm commanding you right now to leave me, and don't you dare ever come back."
I jump out of the shower and hurriedly get dressed.
"Don't ever touch me again, Madam Bulimia." I say as I walk out of the bathroom shutting the door behind me.
"Or it will mean war."