“You sure don’t want me to take you?” Oscar asked, walking next to me when the class finished. In five minutes I told Oscar what happened last night at dinner when I accidentally met Amber. “That cliff seems too far away to be walking by yourself.”
I looked at him, he seemed pretty concerned about me walking alone, but I needed some time by myself. “Yeah, I’m sure Oscar,” I assured him for the tenth time. “I already know my way and besides it’s not too far from the university. I promise not to be too late and if everything goes okay… maybe she could give me a ride home.” That last piece of information was said with uncertainty and Oscar noticed.
“Why would something go wrong?” he asked, “what did Sasha do wrong? I mean, Amber was her girlfriend and is not anymore, you’re on a jealous pout.”
“Maybe I am,” I retorted, gritting my teeth at the truth he had just said, “but you didn’t hear how Amber talked about Sasha in such a tender way. She said her lips were the best she’d ever kissed…”
“Is that true?”
“Yes…” I stammered, “But that is not the point. Anyway, I just want to hear Sasha out.”
“I say you’re just jealous because Sasha loved someone else before you,” Oscar said coolly. “It’s always like that with relationships Cerice. Sasha fell in love with Amber at some point in her life, something happened, and finally they broke up. Each of them went separately and Sasha found you. Simple. You need not worry so much about it.”
“What if she is using me?” I asked, my heart ached with those words. Tears started to well in my eyes and I blinked them back, I couldn’t afford to let other students see me cry in this crowded hallway. “What if she is using me to forget Amber…?”
“You girls are so dramatic,” Oscar rolled his eyes. “Anyway, good luck this evening, call me if you need anything. I gotta run to class, bye.” He walked left and down some steps, disappearing around the corner. I sighed and walked to my dorm to leave my school stuff and wear something appropriate for the long walk that awaited me.
I glanced at my cell phone; I was already thirty minutes late. I really hoped Sasha was still there and at the same time I dreaded the moment in which we would meet. She was still there, standing beside her car, looking out at the sea glimmering with beautiful, warm, and soft colors of orange, red, and yellow. Her expression seemed serene but the moment her eyes fell on me I could tell she was as troubled as I was. She smiled at me as I approached her.
"Sorry for making you wait," I said, shoving my fists into the pockets of my overalls. Yeah, strange outfit to go out with but I didn't feel particularly pretty today and the overalls always made me feel comfortable and distant. I stood apart from her and didn't give her our customary greeting kiss.
She smiled warmly, "you didn't make me wait at all, I just arrived."
"You're a bad liar," I tried to force a smile but it came out as a grimace. "Anyway, glad you could make it."
She nodded and we fell in an awkward silence. Not even the beautiful sunset before us could do justice to our painful silence. "What do you want us to talk about?"
I lift my gaze from the ground to her eyes and lost myself in them. "I met Amber last night, she saw us kissing in your car..." I started, "she said she miss your kisses..." How stupid I must've sound to her, but that was what stayed with me from my conversation with Amber. "What happened between the two of you?"
"Cerice, are you worried that I might still have feelings for Amber?" Sasha asked. Her face was flushed with concern. "I will never betray the feelings you hold for me..."
Something akin to anger rose on my chest and I started to feel guilty. Guilty at myself for not trusting Sasha enough, guilty for feeling jealous and making the situation still more uncomfortable for both of us. But I couldn't help it. Sasha made a sympathetic move to take my hand in hers but I jerked it away.
"I am not betraying any feelings," I said defensively through a cloud of tears, "I just want to know what happened between the two of you! You know about my life and it is just fair that I should know about yours as well!" My voice had grown an octave higher. It was true, I barely knew about Sasha, other than her being my art teacher and an amazing photographer and artist, but I knew nothing beyond that.
I wished I hadn't proposed this meeting, I wished to go back to the safety of my dorm, and most of all, I wished to be back in France where I could stroll the streets in silence and not worry if my heart would ever be broken. I backed away few steps more, in an attempt to control myself and the painful tears that my heart was shedding. Sasha looked at me with an expression full of pain, she didn't tried to get closer to me, she just stood there.