"My dear, if you aren't going to answer then at least have the decency to turn off your cellphone," my mother snapped. "I think your loud ringtone is affecting everyone here."
I rolled my eyes and reached for my cellphone, it was Sasha calling. I turned it off and shoved it back into my pocket. She text me but I didn't dare read the message or talk to her. I felt hurt, an indescribable feeling of deception. I wasn't expecting Amber to cross my way and I wasn't expecting her to be Sasha's ex. True, Sasha had been a lesbian for quite a while now but to process the idea that she had other girlfriends before me was daunting and hurtful. I blinked back the tears. Thank goodness we were now driving home under the cover of the night, at least they won't notice how unhappy I suddenly felt.
"I see why you love Australia so much," my father said, gazing out of the window. "It is peaceful and offers a grand view of the ocean."
"You think we should move to Australia?" my mother asked, "ever since you were gone Cerice, I always contemplated that possibility..."
I gave her an alarming look and begged for her to change her mind.
"Don't be silly," my father muttered, "I have business back in France."
I sighed in relief. "It's okay mother, I promise I will call every weekend if possible." I felt wearied and desired for some affection. I moved closer to my mother and placed my head on her shoulder. I've never done that before, not even when I was a child. I felt I didn't need affection and I could strive on my own, but I was mistaken. I needed somebody.
"Aww sweetie," she stroke my head, "What's wrong with you? You've been acting very weird." She took my hand and looked me straight in the eye. "Are you certain you're alright?"
"Yes mother," I lied, "I only wanted to feel you close..." I laid my head on her shoulder again. Yes, I was delusional. I couldn't believe I just told my mother I needed her. If only I could tell her about Sasha, if only I had maternal help in my love issues, but she wouldn't understand. She will refuse to hear me out if I told her the path I decided. It pained me to know I will never free myself from my lies and deceptions.
My aunt drove me back to the university. I got off the car and bid them goodbye. They waved and the car disappeared behind sloping hills. I walked to my hall and climbed the winding stairs to my room. I opened the door and closed it behind me, collapsing to the floor. My forehead was pressed against the cool, wooden floor, humming myself to sleep that never came.
I lay on my side and felt a bulge in my jean pocket. I reached for it and retrieved my cellphone. I turned it on. I had three missed calls from Sasha and one new message. I sighed and dreaded them. Why was love so difficult? It was nearly eleven o'clock and I didn't feel like calling her back, she must be asleep now. Instead, I opened the text.
--"Hey Cerice, how did the meal go? Are you home now?"--
The meal was dull and yeah I was home, thank goodness for the latter. I remained motionless for a while, thinking what to reply and if it was a good idea to reply. I crawled my way to the comfort of my bed and buried myself under enormous pile of blankets. The only glow in that darkness was emitted by my cellphone. I was staring at her message. Then finally decided to reply:
--"Dinner was fine. Yes. I met Amber tonight, she seems nice enough. I think we ought to talk tomorrow...before we go on that trip to the sea... I am confused."--
That last sentence pained me. Did Sasha still had feelings for Amber? What had happened between them? Being thrown into a state of confusion was overwhelming and saddening, I just hoped to clear some tomorrow when I met her...if I met her, that is. I closed my eyes and waited for sleep to finally overpower me.