When Cerice admitted she didn't have a boyfriend I was surprised. She was incredible, she looked amazing and she had a wonderful personality from what I'd seen. The second emotion that swelled over me was relief; she was single. I quickly pushed that aside. She still wasn't gay though. Then she started saying that she wasn't attractive, and once again words slipped from my lips without them meaning to.
"That's not true." My voice was soft and for a second I rejoyced in that she might not have heard me, but her head jerked around and she stared at me for some moments before thanking me. Then came the awkward silence, where I felt that I could cry on to her shoulder with the stillness. She didn't feel the same way, and I'd freaked her out even more by coming out and telling her she was attractive to me.
"So... how is it like?" Her voice had a hint of curiousity and I almost smiled, but held that off in case of frightening her away.
"Being lesbian?" I asked, "well, its nothing other-worldly. You love someone and treasure that someone as something sacred and really important in your life. The only difference is that she is your same gender... Sometimes you suffer and enjoy like any normal heterosexual relationship. There are always ups and downs. But at the end of the day, you are still you and your loved one is still the person who she was."
Cerice visibly relaxed, although not so much that I felt she was completely over the shock.
"It is getting cold, I want to return to my dorm."
"Very well." I smiled, hoping that she would also, but there was no sign, and so I returned to the car, Cerice behind me. It had been fun, but she was too uncomfortable for this to continue; next time we met I would have to return to the art teacher frame of mind and hope that she was not scared of me at all.
I drove her to the university, neither of us speaking a word the entire time, and me feeling like a complete freak and idiot. I could have just kept quiet, not told her, and then everything would have stayed the same. But I knew this was a lie. At some point, I would have told her, and she would have freaked out even more because we'd know each other better. It was better she knew now so that she could just decide whether she wanted to see me again without feeling pressured.
We arrived at the university, and I looked up at the old building nostalgically.
"I used to go here you know." I said, watching her jump at my voice after the silence of the car.
"Art?" Her voice was hesitant; I knew she wanted to leave the car.
"Yeah, and teaching."
"Cool. Well thanks for the lift, and showing me the place... and telling me."
"No problem. Just... if you're too freaked out Cerice, don't let it affect your art ok? I wouldn't want you to not come just because of my sexuality. I've seen how much you love it, and you can't let that love die away. Passion is important." Cerice nodded and climbed out of the car. She took a few steps then turned and waved, then ran towards the enterance in the darkness. I almost hit my head on the steering wheel over the entire nights events, but decided against it. I need my brain cells. I looked back at the university.
The light in the reception area was on, and I saw a boy stand up as she entered and speak to her. He was checking her out, looking up and down her perfect body and speaking. I felt the green monster of jealousy rise in my stomach and chest. Calm Sasha calm. They're only talking.