Little musings from my life. LIke a journal, but not as commited ;)
Have you ever done that thing where you look at someone, just as they look at you, and someting in your heart just... beats. I know that sounds strange: you're heart beats anyway right? But what I mean is a beat that's like that first bass drum bang in a song. It hits you out of no where.
I've felt this before, once. It wasn't going to happen, but everytime I caught a glimpse of this person, the same beat happened. Now there is no beat where she is concerned.
But today the 29/01/2011 I felt that beat again. Just once. And then I looked away. I've known this woman for years, and for a while I've had this on/off crush thing for her, nothing serious. But today I looked at her, and she was radiant, her smile made me want to smile and laugh even more than I was. Then her eyes met mine.
The beat happened. And we both looked at each other. For a minute I thought her eyes were trying to tell me something, but then I looked away. I didn't want to go through this again. The beat makes me insane, I end up practically stalking the person. I suppose it makes it better that I don't want to do this to her, because I like her too much.
So I'm going to tread carefully, be my normal self. If something happens, it will be because I am who I am, not because I'm pushing her.
But in reality, I'm afraid of what could happen if something did happen. Because it shouldn't. And yet...
I can't even finish that. I don't know why I want it to happen, but it's not the same as with the other one. With her I felt hot, passionate. With this new felling, I feel like myself, and warm.
I can't tell which is love or not. But I'm willing to find out.