I waited up for hours, and still Adder did not return to me. For a long time I sat and stared out the window, into the night that had shrouded the manor. The sky was a precise shade of black, swirled with blues and held up with silver star thumbtacks.
After a while, the pain became too much to bear. My heart felt like it had been tore to shreds within me; I wanted nothing to more than to curl up in bed and cry. But, no, that was not in my nature. Not when all the misery was so easily turned to lust, a longing to devour something so fully.
I slipped out of my room and into the hallway beyond. It was lined with a sort of pinstripe wallpaper, obviously outdated. I moved like a wraith through the corridors, winding and twisting, like the silk nightgown I wore was doing around my thighs.
My hand found the doorknob; I hesitated just long enough to decide not to knock. Instead I let myself in and closed the door behind me.
Demrin was quick to rise to his feet from the chair he'd been sitting it. It was pushed close to the window, and I had to wonder if we'd been staring out into the same velvet sky. "Calla," he murmured, like he couldnt quite believe I was standing there in his room.
"Hello," I said slowly, stepping towards the warlock. Soon my hands rested upon his chest, and I was pressing my body in against his. "I've been thinking about you."
Demrin turned his head away so as to hide his expression from me. I could feel his heart beating right through me, racing faster with ever staggered breath his took. "Why are you here?" He managed to ask me.
I pulled away slightly, so that our bodies were a good three inches apart. My eyes moved over him and then back to his own gaze, deep emerald eyes wide. "For the same reason you reminded me of that night," I muttered. "Because we've been dancing around this for years and we cant keep pretending it's nothing."
I could tell my words had taken him aback. I watched a series of emotions play out across his face. "But...Adder..."
I let out a harsh sigh, looking away from my old friend. The name of my lover was a stake in my heart, killing me just as it would him. The vampire was everything perfect and loving. But he was pulling away from me, and I couldnt stand the idea of a single lonely night.
"I love Adder," I said, but my voice faltered at the words. "It's scary the way I feel about him. I actually worry about hurting him. But then, there's you..I dont want to hurt you either. But I cant seem to give both of you what you want."
Demrin furrowed his brow and stared at me. It seemed like he was trying to dissect me right there, to see what mysteries were knotted underneath my skin. Part of me wondered what he might find, but most of me just didnt want to know.
When he spoke, it was in a low and serious voice. "What do you want, Calla?"
I didnt know how to answer that, and when I paused to think on it, I realized that I'd never really known. It had never been about me or what I wanted. Only about making everyone else happy, to keep them in love with my every move. All I'd ever wanted was to be loved. And now I was, and it was the most complicated mess I'd ever seen.
Demrin cocked his head a little, silver hair dancing around his face. "What do you want?" He repeated.
I felt myself biting down a bit on my bottom lip. "I just want someone to love me," I whispered. I didnt realize I was crying until I felt a tear drop fall onto my hand. "I want someone to hold me and kiss me every single night, and then to be there still when I wake up in the morning. To tell me everything will be alright."
Demrin turned his back on me then, letting out a frustrated sigh. I was almost thankful I couldnt see his expression, because I was sure it would have torn me to shreds.
"Then go back to bed, and wait for Adder to come home to you. You and I both know he'll be there in the morning."