Dear Manager

What is it about me that seems to instantly irritate you, exactly? Because I've gotten to the point now where I'd gladly take direction so as to irritate you further. It would appear that whatever I do to try and make your life easier, you find fault with. And every single week you tell me that I should go and find another job.

I've come to the conclusion that you don't particularly want me working there anymore. And you know what? I'm going to stay JUST to annoy you. And at the end of the day, I have been working there for almost two years. You have been my manager for almost four months. I congratulate you for making it this far; over the last 21months or so I've had 7 managers, you are my 8th, and none of them have really lasted more than the milestone you are about to hit. Here's hoping your feet are already halfway out of the door. But I'll be honest. I don't like you either.

I don't like the way you talk to us all like we're twelve years old. Most of us are older than you are. Granted, I'm not, but whoever heard of a floor manager at seventeen? I don't like the way you tell to move EVERYTHING on the department around, just for me to come into work the next week to find everything moved back again. I don't like the way you expect to stand on a mat for 9 hours a day with nothing to do and no-one to talk to. I don't like the way you then go and have a social with other members of staff, but only venture toward me to criticise. I don't like how you constantly tell me we're not at school - I know we're not, we're at work. Stop treating me like a schoolchild. In case you hadn't guessed, there are a lot of things I don't like.

And don't tell me again how I'm an intelligent girl, and then in the same breath ask me if I understand. You aren't speaking in Polish, or Martian. Of course I understand you. Am I speaking in Polish? You must tell me if I am. I wouldn't want you to be confused.

In conclusion, I think you should let me get on with my job. Contrary to your belief, I do it well. I just am not going to get giddy about the fact a toaster comes in Red as well as Black. Quite frankly, if a cutomer wants to spend £189 on a kettle because its Dualit and not Delonghi then I'm not going to stand in their way. I will even go and get the box for them. But if you expect to do a handstand into double twist and backflip, you are seriously misinformed. I'm not that flexible.

Go and boil your head.

Yours, Employee #408417

The End

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