Dear Tampon Industry and Toilet Industry

You two should really work something out. I just plain don't understand.

Okay, the point of a toilet is to take all the gross, unsanitary stuff that comes out of our bodies, and immediately send it somewhere where no one has to look at it or smell it. Right? Seems pretty simple to me.

Why, then, do I see "Please Do Not Flush Feminine Products" signs in public women's restrooms? What in the hell else do you want us to do with it? There is ONE (1) place in that stall that looks like a good idea for that thing to be put in. Dowwwwn the hole. Away from sight.

But no. Please Do Not Flush. Okay... Well, I for one, flush it anyway. (and you should too.) But just out of curiosity, what happens to the disgusting feminine products that the more obedient of women are unfortunate enough to have to deal with in public restrooms?

Some stalls have trash cans. Listen... a trash can with no lid? GROSS. Do I have to explain that bacteria and, ugh, smells, can actually travel through air? So you think there should just be, basically, a pile of bloody tampons in the corner of the stall? (This really happens.) 

But SOME bathrooms decided they had a better idea. How about one of those trash cans with the flippy lids where you have to touch the swingy part in order to put something in it? With your HAND. Or, eeewwww, something you might be holding in your hand! VERY gross! So I have the option of putting my hand and whatever I'm holding, through a trapdoor that's covered with a visible coat of something I know would be sticky to the touch, into a thriving pit of other people's bacteria... or just flush it down the toilet. Lemme see...

But that's not the end of the lovely innovations the women's restroom technology has in store for us. Some of the more progressive public restrooms have these great things called "feminine hygiene product disposals." Get this... it's a bin, right? Like a regular bin. With a snap-down lid, okay but you still have to touch it. And THEN! The tampon goes IN there! With the other tampons. But! It differs from the trash can in, as far as I can see, one key way. Instead of being on the floor in the corner of the stall, it's mounted on the wall at nose level, and right next to the toilet paper roll, where your HAND has to go. Even if you're just a regular Jane, in there peeing, not one of the ones who didn't manage to take care of this stuff at home like they should have.

(And, I guess technically a janitor is supposed to come in there frequently and change them out.... Yeah, right.)

My point is: EWWWW!!!

There is nothing you can do with a bloody tampon in a public bathroom stall that is not disgusting. Unless we could, I don't know, submerge it in water and send it down some pipes into an underground sewer system that got cleaned up by other people with gas masks on, miles away from here. DO WHAT?

I know what you're thinking. "But Rachel... You're not supposed to flush tampons, it'll clog up the toilet."

I know! But WHY? Can't we build toilets that can handle tampons? Or at least tampons that don't clog toilets? It's so OBVIOUS! What are the requirements for a tampon? Absorbent, compact, able-to-be-flushed-down-a-standard-toilet. SIMPLE. It's not rocket science here. Although it's arguably just as important.

So, tampon industry. Toilet industry. I need you to get together and work out your differences. I don't care which one of you bends to the other's pressure. Just do something, and do it fast. I don't know why I'm the first person to point out this obvious absurdity to you. I guess it's just a really gross topic to talk about, and women like to be not-gross. (HINT HINT)

Please fix it. Until you do, I'm going to keep flushing them down the toilet, and ripping down every sign I see that says not to.

Thank you in advance,

-- Disgusted citizen

The End

173 comments about this exercise Feed