I have some questions. Or musings. Or whatever they are called these days.
When you're dead, what happens? Where do you go, and who do you meet?
Is it different if your death was natural, or sudden, or self-inflicted?
I've been lucky enough to not have anyone close to me die just yet. Recently one of my very good friends gave it go though, and I can't help but wonder what was going through their mind at the time. There wasn't any kind of clues that I noticed, and if there were, then I failed as a friend in not noticing them. What made the whole thing worse is that 1) they didn't talk to me about it, and 2) I was off on a holiday while they were doing it.
Last night, another friend's Dad killed himself. And I'm not sure how to feel about it. There's kind of no feeling there for me, and yet I think that there should be. Surely I should fee something?
I met the man. He was a nice guy. I don't even know if I'll go to the funeral. But now, there's no pain for me really, its just a kind of gap in life. I just wont see him anymore; it's kind of like we'd have lost thouch, had I known him any better.
That's what it was like when my friend's sister was kiled in a car crash a couple of years back. We were joking the day before about how she drove like a maniac. The next day, there was a gap where she had been. I never really thought of her as being dead, just out of touch for a while.
It confusing to me now, whoever this concerns, whether or not I'm going to feel the same way when its my mother who dies. Or my Dad. Or my brother. Will it just be a gap in life, that someone else will eventually fill? Will I ever see them again? I'd like to know the right way to handle these things. I've been known to handle them inappropriately in the past.
I suppose its one of those things you can never really prepare yourself for. But, I'd like to try anyway; I don't like being taken by suprise.
Things never seem to process for me properly anymore. But, my thoughts are with my friend and her family during this time. I can't imagine what they're going through.