To whom it may concern,
I awoke at six this morning, and not of my own choice I must add. After three hours of disturbed sleep I was hoping I would remain unconscious until noon, but the tap dancers living upstairs saw to that.
Before the tap dancers it was the late night Feng Shui enthusiasts, and before that, the unhappily married couple with their space hopper of a child.
I understand that the rent you collect from us is the basis of your comfortable existence (I would never try to deprive you of that), but as an individual who loses fifty hours of his time every week to work... As one who enjoys his sleep, and parts with a significant proportion of his wages in order to live under this roof...Well.
I am writing to kindly ask you if you could keep the space-hoppers, the furniture movers and the tap dancers from residing directly above me. It is beginning to effect my work, my eyes appear bruised, and my closest friends tell me that my sense of humour is rapidly depleting.
If this letter has been met with sympathy, I know of someone who is immediately available to take the room above me. She is twenty five, weighs around ninety-six pounds. She enjoys yoga, reading, and tends to socialise as little as possible. I feel she would be perfect for the room directly above me.
Warm and weary regards,
Jamie (Flat 1)