Dear Complaint Writer

My company received your complaint letter, and as a company that relies on service, it was brought promptly to my attention.

I remember speaking to you.

I speak to roughly 80 people a day, every day, but I do indeed remember speaking to you.

You were one of the many people who went on and on for half an hour why you had to wait on hold for twenty minutes.  Do the math.  Yes.  You should write a letter explaining to whoever may have been behind you, why they had to wait on hold for thrirty minutes.  It's unfortunate for them that, if you did write a letter, they'd miss out on the sound of your mouth breathing and constant gutteral snorts.  

You mentioned I was rude to you.  I can assure you that I was not rude to you.  Directly.  Had you heard the comments I was making while you were on mute, your letter would have been much more inflammatory.  Especially had you realized you were on speaker phone half the time so that my co-workers could alsoy the enjoy the benefits of your nonensical ramblings.  I make good use of my mute buton - don't feel centred out - it's standard procedure when deaing with an onslaught of likeminded dolts.

In response to your intital query, my prognosis remains the same.  Your monitor is broken, or is simply not plugged in.    Your internet did not cause this.  As I instructed, should you want to test this, unplug your modem.  If your monitor only turns on when your modem is unplugged feel free to call us back and ask for me.  I can admit when I'm wrong.

In, this case, I'm not.

Especially yours,

IT Dept.  #45782

The End

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