Dear Spider Trap Manufacturer or Distributor,


I want to first thank you for providing a valuable and necessary service to the masses.  Arachnophobia is a crippling and embarrassing condition that ranges from the meek to the strong and everywhere in between.

It must be an Ivy League graduate who informed you that those individuals who do not wish to have spiders infesting their homes also enjoy seeing enlarged pictures of said pests on the front of the Spider Trap packaging.  Without this fantastic piece of advice, certainly you would have enjoyed years of success and monumental growth.  You may have gone on to invent products that actually tortured spiders as it trapped them and then killed them in the most painful way imaginable, so as to fully serve your target market.  You may have arranged support groups for those recovering from Arachnophobia, or those who have experienced spider infestations.  These services are desperately needed, and yet this group goes on, without being financially exploited.  A tragedy to capitalism.  As it is though, I must regret to inform you without looking at your books that your marketing department is being run by children or possibly some form of lower primate, and that your profit margins are nonexistent.  As a customer who would probably buy every single product you produce if I wasn’t so terrified of the packaging, I must inform you that it is you and not the recession that will bring about the downfall of your business.  And I mourn for us both.

Best wishes,

Your friendly neighborhood arachnophobe

The End

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