Dear Daniel L,

         I would appreciate it if you stopped following  my friends and I around. Whilst we are sure (are we?) that you are a very nice person, the act of stalking us doesn't rate you very high on the social ladder. Please wash your hair, cut it and brush your teeth. It might help if you stopped eating so many rubbish foods - but the odour that emmantes from your mouth is putrid and I can't stand a metre in front of you without feeling sick.

        Please don't wear feminine sunglasses or red converse to school on 'Own Clothes Days' because with your badly fitting skinny jeans and red and black checked shirt  (which you ALWAYS wear, by the way) you fit a stereotype. I'll leave you work that one out... Not that that's a bad thing, merely you aren't very good at colour co-ordination.

          You're voice is whiny and whenever you argue with teachers about the moral constitution about the demographic of cultural climate (?) (I don't know, it just sounded like something you might say) you send me to sleep. You are not funny, or attractive, and I would like to never have to hear you voice again. No offense.

          I couldn't care less if your dog is called Emanuel or not, and I don't want to hear you repeat the story of when you walked into a tree ever again whilst walking him. You have already told me it one hundred billion times. And I'm not even exaggerating. Unfortunately. Neither, do I care if you get run over by a bus; I wouldn't be any worse off. I also do not care if you happen to be doing a Maths A Level before due course, because all that makes you in my opinion is boring - teenager are meant to live and not take A Levels. You do that in sixth form; that is, after all, what it is meant to be for.

          In short, I do not give a monkeys bottom about your life or current state of happiness and my friends and I would appreciate it if you never turned up at our table in luch ever again. Or spoke to us. Or followed us. JUST GO AWAY AND GET THE MESSAGE!!! And another thing, I do not, nor shall I ever, fancy you. So. Go. Away.

Thanks

No Love and Unkind Regards

Bethany

 

The End

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