I'm so sorry I didn't get the chance to see you off. But I want you to know that in the few months we worked together, you came to play a very special role in my life.
You were the cool guy who always arrived fashionably late. You cannot imagine the emotions that filled me when you swaggered into the kitchen, hat turned backwards and shirt un-tucked, just in time to help the rest of us clean up after a big rush. So considerate! And what would we poor souls who have been there all day do without your guidance and direction? Who will lead us now?
And you were always so charming and witty. You won the hearts of everyone with your delightful Anti-Semitic, sexist and homophobic brand of humor. And it gave me shudders to hear you speak, to hear your artful mastery of the English language. You are a true poet my friend and I will always regret not hearing your final speech as you, no doubt, took your graceful leave of the restaurant.
Finally, I come to the reason for your leaving: your artistic vision. The artist is often the subject of persecution my friend and you were just the victim of the closed minds of your employers. When you scrawled that icon of the male anatomy across the freezer door, I felt that I was seeing the most profound of your thoughts there. And believe me, when I told you how classy that was, I meant it in the sincerest way possible.
So, I am proud to give a one-finger salute to you, Former Co-Worker, and wish you the best of luck in your search for employment