Dear AMature

So, this counts as my second (and hopefully final) letter of closure for you, dearest A.

I hope you think long and hard about the mistake you made of contacting me a few summers ago.  Whether out of boredom or loneliness or curiosity, it was selfish.  You did not consider the repercussions.  You did not consider my well-being, or the amount of personal development I had undergone to finally live a happy life without you.  You took that from me.  You just showed up one day and carelessly decided that it was okay to break the shield of non-contact.  Not only that, but you basically proposed being long-distance friends with benefits.  I was stupid for thinking that I could handle that.  I was stupid for talking to you again.  It caused me months of unnecessary suffering.  

When we talked, you said you felt that all you did was ruin my life.  Now, this isn't totally accurate, because if you had truly ruined my life, then I would have nothing left to live for.  But you were definitely on to something when you said that.  I can honestly say that nothing else in my life has caused me as much misery and stress as you have.  Maybe it's my fault, because as an adolescent I didn't know any better, and I thought that I could sink the entirety of my worth as a person into you.  The effects of that poor decision have loomed over every aspect of my life, from my self-confidence, to my artistic expression, to my friendships, to my attempts at starting new relationships.

It has literally taken me years to be emotionally stable enough to take on another serious relationship, and to teach myself to not be paralyzed by the fear that someone new could never hope to equal you.  I've had to shatter the stupid illusion that you were "the one" for me.  Truthfully, I want someone who is actually confident in who they are and what they do; someone who doesn't always need a boyfriend to support them and make them happy.  I want someone who isn't childish, and who sees me as more than just a tool to fend off loneliness.  I want someone whose family and friends actually appreciate me and support our relationship.

So, this is the end of me romanticizing you.  No more emotional monuments or placeholders.  I just want to move on with the promise of finding true love again, but this time in a healthy and mature form.  That is what I deserve.  

And if the urge to contact me strikes you again in the future?



The End

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