Meeting Jaimie's family was okay. His sister was nice and his father was nice but his mother made me want to run for the hills screaming satan. Okay, maybe that was over reacting a bit but even when she was saying something she set this tense mood in the atmosphere that ate away at you like a million tiny ants. Slowly and unstoppable.
Once dinner was over Jaimie collected his boxers loading them into the back of the car and we drove home. It was silent. Not a bad silence or a nice silence just neither of us was going to speak. So when we got back Jaimie began loading the boxes out of the car. I sat on the sofa watching them pile up and as Jaimie went for the last one I couldn't help myself but open one up and peek in.
"Rollar, what are doing?" Jaimie whispered, his face paling in horror. I didn't see why. From what I was finding all of this was all experimental and not too dark.
I lifted out a ball shaped thing with a strap. "Why didn't you just throw it away?" I asked him working out the thing I was holding to be a gag putting it on and looking at Jaimie cheekily before putting it back.
"I don't know. I... didn't want to, I suppose."
"Some of its not so bad you know but there is just a lot"
Jaimie was watching me very intensely and I was guessing he still had a bit of a boost around this stuff. I also found it a good distraction from the thing I didn't want to talk about. I lifted out some cuffs swinging them on a finger as I looked up at Jaimie. "Arrest me officer?" I said teasing him in a jokey manor.
"Having you around all of this stuff is very distracting, and we need to talk."
His words made me tense the laughs and jokes slipping out of my body like ice melting. I focused down at the box going through it even though I'd looked at everything. I saw Jaimie put the box down out of the corner of my eye before sitting next to me. I didn't look up just continuing to 'look' through the box. Really I was avoiding the conversation I so didn't want to have.
"Rollar..." Jaimie began but I continued on ignoring him hoping he'd just let it go. "Rollar, please. We need to talk about this"
"No, we don't Jaimie" I almost snapped at him. Luckily I held it back. I really didn't want to get angry at him for wanting to talk about something he had every right to.
"And why is that?"
"Cause if we talk about it things get real" I say turning to face him. "I just.... I can't deal with that right now"
"You think I'm ready? Sat with all these boxes around us, I can't actually think straight" he says and I can't help but feel guilty looking down. "Rollar, I love you, you know that, but... a baby?"
"I'm not a killer, Jaimie"
He stroked my cheek so softly warming me up from the pit of my stomach. "I'm not asking you to. I'm just saying that I don't know if I can do this. But... I'll try, for you."
"We've got four months till I show then another nine till its here. I-Its not like we have to stop being us"
He grinned and kissed my cheek but I turned my head to catch his lips. The kisses became proper as he pulled me to him and started to cradle me. I didn't want to be lovey dovey though and soon found myself straddling his waist. "You really opposed to using a bit of this stuff?" I whispered.
"You want to?" he asked surprise spreading over his face as his eyes went wide.
"Not the weird stuff but these" I say waving the cuffs in front of him. "Could be useful to stop your hands wandering"
"On me?" he questioned.
"Or me" I replied nibbling on the bottom of his lips. I know it was strange that I wanted to try out some of this stuff but maybe its cause I never had. I'd never 'experimented' as they say and I trusted Jaimie enough to try a few things out. Who knew maybe it would spice things up?