Kyle ended up vanishing too and I gave up going into the house then curling up on my bed. I fought tears and didn't dare touch my alcohol. Bad things happened when I touched alcohol when I was seriously upset.
I wasn't just upset though I was heartbroken. I'd stupidly let go of my heart to someone else for a second and it had been cut to piece. I screamed out throwing a pillow across the room. I sat up and buried my face in my hands as the tears poured out. "Stupid. Stupid. Stupid"
"Who?" I looked up to see Joshua sliding in through my window. I ran over and threw my arms round him crying hard into his shirt. "Ro! God, what's wrong?"
"I'm stupid! An idiotic, stupid moron!" I cried.
"May I disagree?" Joshua said pushing me back and moving me over to the bed where he sat me down. He then left coming back with a box of tissues which he handed to me. I went through about seven straight away. Joshua watched me frowning and opened his mouth when his phone start buzzing. He pulled it out and sighed. "Sorry, I have to take this"
"Who is it?"
"Uh, a girl I'm seeing" Joshua said giving me a sheepish smile then slipping out. I broke down in tears again. Even Joshua had someone.
I glanced at the clock. It was late and Kyle still wasn't back. I rung him up and it when straight to voicemail. "Hey, um, Kyle. Where are you? Its getting late. Anyway, this is Robin... Bye..."
I just hung up and turned to see Joshua in the doorway. "Where are the two guys anyway?"
"I don't know where either of them are. All I know is Jaimie ran off from me" I shrugged hugging my knees to my chest.
"Jaimie... What happened, Ro?"
"I said something stupid"
"You said the L-word.... to Jaimie Evans?" Joshua asked shocked. I nodded then buried my face in my knees. "Hello, Ro. How did that happen?"
"I don't know. We were just sleeping together"
"Are you sure?" Joshua asked.
I opened my mouth to reply but I hesitated thinking back to the cuddles after sleeping together. The looping of his arms around my waist pulling me close as he muttered in his sleep. My eyes passing over his features as he slept. The softness of his expression.
Then the shared kisses. Sneaking them before we went to Rody's. How when we were in bed he'd push my hair out of my face and peered down into my eyes. The way he'd set my heart racing by a mere brush of his thumb over the back of my hand. When he said Kyle's name in his sleep it made my heart hurt and I'd have to roll away from him only for his arms to draw me back.
I wasn't just sleeping with Jaimie. I had slowly and helplessly been falling in love with him while lying to myself that it was all about the physical. I don't think Jaimie knew what he'd been doing to me. He didn't fall in love did he. He'd made it perfectly clear right at the start he wanted nothing like that.
"You aren't the sort of person to get into something without having some emotion towards the person" Joshua said smiling.
"I want it to go away" I choked. "Make it go away"
"I can't, Ro" he said but pulled me into a hug as the tears started again. Once he had to go I went to Jaimie's room curling up among the cover that smelled of him.