Crap, crap, crap, crap. There was a reason I was always in charge. I screwed my eyes shut, trying not to remember the sound of Rollar's laughing last night. The grooves where she'd scratched me throbbed slightly with pain but I didn't want to focus on that. I didn't want to focus on anything about this situation.
I could feel her fingers as she undid the bonds that tied me to the bed. I couldn't help but flinch every time her skin brushed mine. Oh, God, how many times had I had sex like this with Madelin, and enjoyed it? No, I thought, I won't think about her, I can't.
I took a shaky breath and opened my eyes, sitting up. Rollar looked truly sincere in her apology. I ran my hand through my hair, trying to think. What exactly had happened last night? Was it going to happen again? Because, if it was, I didn't think I would be able to handle it. The other way, perhaps, but not with her in charge; brought back too many memories.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered again.
"It's... It's okay," I murmured, taking a deep breath. "Just... I need to show you something."
Her eyes widened slightly in surprise. "Okay," she nodded.
I got dressed quickly, as did she. I took her hand when she was ready and pulled her out of her room and into mine.
"Sit," I commanded her, pointing at the bed.
She did as she was told. I knelt down and pulled the cardboard box out from under the bed. I stood, holding it to my chest.
"Yesterday, I told you I have a secret," I said quietly. "What happened last night means that I need to tell you. Or show you, as the case may be."
"Go on," she said.
I paused a moment before setting the box down beside her. I stepped back and watched her cautiously. She glanced at me briefly, before moving to open the box. I wasn't fully aware that I'd stopped breathing.
As she hands slowly unfolded the top, she peered inside and gasped, looking up at me immediately. I didn't say anything so she opened it further, reaching a hand into the box.
"Are you going to explain?" she asked quietly.
"I think the contents speak for me."
She turned back to the box, rifling around slowly inside it.
"Sadist or masochist?" she asked without looking up.
"Both. Though no one's been in charge with me for over two years. Do you see why I have to tell you now?"
She nodded slowly. "I guess last night brought back memories."
"It brought back thoughts of a lifestyle I gave up."
"If you gave it up, why do you still have... all this?" she asked, waving her hand in the box's general direction.
"I forgot to get rid of that lot."
"So there was more?"
I couldn't help my sardonic smile. "Oh, yes. Much more."