Journal Entry #2
So I know I said nothing really interesting happened in my life. Well, I implied it anyway. But then, as soon as I posted that intoductory chapter, I realised ... actually, a few things have happened.
The first was Spring Harvest. Let me tell you about it. I don't know if you've ever heard of it, or even if you've been. Perhaps you have - great!
It's a big Christian event, where tonnes of mad people like me turn out to Butlins for a few days and hang out, praising our epic God (who by the way is some cool frood) and thinking about life, the universe and everything. Pretty much. Oh, and we spread froodiness. It's fun.
So I was at this place, and we had this big 'prayer' event. It cut me up. It screwed my mind. Seriously, have you ever prayed? Have you ever had it wop your brain? I don't even know if 'wop' is a word! That's how much is wopped me. I'm having to make up words.
Anyway, so we had this event. And I was seriously messed up afterwards. Thing was, they did the worse thing possible. They started to play a song called 'The Stand'.
Don't get me wrong. I love that song. But I always associate it with the first time we sang it at my church: at my baptism, back in September 09.
And I was listening to it at SH 2010, and it killed me inside. I just kept remembering everything I've done wrong since my baptism and how I've messed everything up and how God could never love me because I was so selfish and egotistical and I hadn't even realised that my friend was hurting. I'd only found out because of the prayer.
That seriously screwed my brain. I was standing there, trying to sing that song. My arms were in the air, I was praising God, and I couldn't sing. I couldn't sing because there were tears streaming down my cheeks and choking me. I couldn't sing because the weight of everything I'd ever felt awful about, since September, had suddenly returned to weigh me down.
But I'd like to say one thing. That day, I was forgiven.
This was Tuesday. It's Saturday now - the same week. So little time has passed, so I can still remember exactly how I felt. I guess I would. Things like that don't fade so soon.
Anyway, here I am, signing off. I guess there's nothing else to say about that. I might tell you more about Spring Harvest when I've come to terms with my mind. How about that?