About four months after I got that Gameboy from Kyle, I was on my way back from one of Rayn's visits, in a better mood than I had been in quite a while, actually. I mean, Kyle's visits were nice and all, but they kinda hurt after when I remembered just how much I missed being with him and how slim my chances of getting back with him after I got the fuck out of here were. Rayn's visits were... well, they were funny for one, because he's an idiot, and because he's generally adorable and entertaining. And because even though I know he's with Kyle, he doesn't remind me of Kyle. And that always helps.
Anyways, I was all happy and vaguely hopeful about my life for once when of course, something came along and burst my little bubble that I'd spent the last twenty minutes carefully preserving. Yup, that's right. I got a whole twenty minutes to enjoy my life before I was sent plummeting straight back into the emo mess that I'd managed to escape.
And right now? I'm shamelessly wallowing in self pity. And why, might you ask?
Well guess who just got dumped?
Oh yeah. By the guy I have to share a cell with for the next fourteen months. My life is fucking wonderful right now. I love it. I pace up and down the yard restlessly, a cigarette clamped between my lips as I wonder whether Rayn might be able to smuggle some drugs in for me. I've done well without the drugs, to be honest, and physically, I feel a lot better for it, but fuck, sometimes all I want is that warm, comforting blanket of opiate fuelled euphoria that makes everything seem completely insignificant. Sure, I'd probably go back to having mega cravings for it that'd drive me nuts, but to forget about how shit everything is right now for a few blissful hours, it would be worth it. It really would.
"What's happened?" Kyle asks with a small frown as he sits down with me on our usual visit day.
"Guess who can't hold down a boyfriend again?" I say brightly and sort of give him a fake grin.
"Shit, I'm sorry, gorgeous," he says, pulling me into a hug.
"What's wrong with me?" I whine, hugging back. What am I, repulsive after a few months or something?
"Nothing's wrong with you." He kisses the top of my head.
"There must be something. I mean, you wouldn't have cheated on me and Nathan wouldn't have dumped me if there was nothing wrong with me."
"I cheated on you because I was lonely and horny, not because there was anything wrong with you." I put my head down on the table, still convinced that I just develop some kind of repugnant smell after a while and people just go off me. I feel Kyle's fingers tangle in my hair and I let out a sigh, looking up at him.
"I'm just a shit boyfriend. I'll stay here and save humanity the horror of having to put up with me again." I know I'm being all melodramatic and a general ass, but I'm busy sulking after getting dumped. Let me be a drama queen.
"Damien, snap out of it before I punch you. You're a great boyfriend and whoever you end up with is so fucking lucky to have you."
I pout at him. "I'm being a drama queen, leave me alone."
"No." I just keep pouting. "I swear to God I'll hit you, Damien Cross."
"You're just looking for an excuse to be violent now," I sulk.
"Give me strength," he mumbles. I flash him a smile.
"You know you love me."
"I love you when you're not being an ass."
"You should stop being mean; you know I like it when you're mean." Is that me flirting with him? I think it might be. "I don't have anyone to take my sexual frustration out on anymore."
"You still have hands," he smirks.
"I didn't know my hand could replace having a dick in my ass," I laugh.
"Be creative," he winks.
"I'll be creative with your dick in a minute if you're not careful," I threaten jokingly. He laughs a little, and I'll admit I'm starting to feel vaguely better for now. I'll avoid asking how he and Rayn are doing - I don't think I'm in the mood to find out, to be honest. I'm too busy wanting to be back with Kyle to want to know anything about his relationship with Rayn. "Enough of me whining, how are you doing?"
"I'm good, thanks," he smiles. I return his smile with one of my own.
"That's good to hear."