Nathan hadn't gone anywhere for Christmas this year. He hadn't been well enough behaved or something. You see, when my progress report was filed, I was still hoping I might still be welcome at Kyle's for Christmas, for old time's sake or something like that. That was before I found out that Kyle was going out with Rayn, though.
So when I got back early and in a foul mood, he'd at least been there to try and cheer me up. It didn't help that I knew Kyle and Rayn were probably having a great time without me. I spent most of the night feeling so jealous I was nearly sick, and kind of depressed, since I was supposed to be the one that had moved on ages ago.
My mood sort of festered over the next few days, and when my name was yelled out along with instructions to get my ass out to the visiting room, it plummeted even further.
I sit down and wait for Kyle to come in, doing my best to not look like I'd rather throw myself off a bridge than be here right now. He walks in, ruffles my hair and sits down. I just look at him, resisting the urge to slap his hand away.
"You're looking cheerful as ever, I see," he says.
"And feeling it," I reply grumpily, not really bothering too much with hiding my mood.
"Christmas was shit. The food here is shitter than usual. The people here are shit. My life is shit and everything in it is shit." He ruffles my hair again.
"Why was Christmas shit?" Because I couldn't spend it with you, and because I knew you were with someone else, busy being happy.
"Because my parents decided I should use my probation to spend it with them and then my dad had a hissy fit in the middle of a restaurant over what a failure I am." What did you think I was going to admit I'm not happy without him?
"Your dad sucks. You should've spent it with me and Rayn."
"That wouldn't have been fair on you and Rayn."
"I wouldn't have minded," he shrugs. Yeah, but it's not really whether you would've minded or not, sunshine.
I let out a sigh and smack my head down on the table, ignoring the pain that flares in my skull. He wraps his arms around me in a hug, and I let him, not really reacting. Or at least, I don't react outwardly. I have a baby spaz attack on the inside, though, ‘cause all I want right now is for some miracle to happen that would make Kyle take me back and for us to work out and forget about all our problems from before.
Fat chance of that.
He kisses the top of my head. "C'mon, gorgeous, I don't like seeing you like this."
"What, lonely, bored and miserable? I've been like this since I fucking got to this shit hole," I remind him.
"I'd help you out if I could."
"Just get me the fuck out of here. Another year and a half of this bullshit is gonna drive me insane." I glance up at Kyle, noticing him pulling out the sad face. "What?"
"You'll make me feel bad for not being able to help if you say stuff like that."
"Sorry," I mutter.
"It's okay," he says, kissing the top of my head again. Dude, can you stop with the whole huggy, nicey happy thing now? I'm suddenly beginning to understand how you felt before. "Oh, I got you something from me and Rayn."
"Hmm?" He hands me a present, wrapped up all neatly and I flash him a small smile. "Thanks."
"No problem. Hope you like it," he smiles back at me and I pull the paper off to reveal a Gameboy colour with a couple of Pokémon games and a note. I open up the note and read the words scrawled across the paper in Kyle's familiar handwriting.
I hope you have a good Christmas and... Y'know what, I'm just gonna cut to the chase. I miss you like hell and if me and Rayn don't work out...
I guess what I'm trying to say is I still kind of love you. How could I not after everything we've been through? And I'm sorry if me and Rayn being together's getting to you. I didn't want to hurt you and it sucks knowing that I might've done so, um, yeah. I don't really what I'm saying anymore.
Have a good Christmas
I stare at it for a moment, making sure I don't end up turning into an emotional blubbering wreck before I look up at him again. I land a light punch on his shoulder.
"You ‘still kind of love me'? I should be insulted by that," I laugh slightly. He blushes a little, making me laugh some more. "What're you blushing for?"
"Nothing," he says, even though he ends up an even darker shade of red.
"C'mon, tell me."
He lets out a little whine, "I meant to take that thing out before I gave it to you. It's soppy and embarrassing."
I giggle, "it's cute, and I will treasure it forever." I say it jokingly, but a small part of me really isn't joking. Jeez, is that really how hung up on him I am?
"That's just mean."
"You love it."
"You're an ass, y'know that?" he whines and I grin at him. "As embarrassing as it is, I meant what I said."
"Just as well, really, ‘cause I still kind of love you too. Asshole."
He laughs and punches my arm gently, "shut up, dickwad."
"Make me," I challenge. I wasn't really expecting him to kiss me, if I'm honest. It does shut me up though, because I forget for a second that we're both s'posed to be going out with other people, and kiss back.
"I win," he says, pulling back and giving me a wink. I just kinda blink at him, wondering why I want him to kiss me again. He smiles at me, but I'm too busy hesitating to really pay it much attention. And then I kiss him again.