Tears slid down my cheeks as I made my way home. Why did I have to be so fucking stupid? I should’ve said no. I should’ve pushed him back and locked myself in the apartment. But no, I took the easy way out and now for all I knew, me and Damien were over. I wiped my eyes, sniffling as I let myself into our apartment, not exactly caring that it was Matt’s arms that wrapped around me. I buried my head in his neck, humming as he kissed the top of my head. I nuzzled his neck, smiling as he let out a hum of his own. His arms wound round me a little tighter and I shut my eyes, enjoying the contact. Which was when the phone rang. The both of us ignored it for a few seconds before it hit me that it might’ve been Damien.
“Hello?” I said once I’d untangled myself from Matt enough to grab the phone.
“Hey” I heard Damien say quietly.
"I'm so sorry, gorgeous. It didn't mean anything, I swear" I pleaded, ignoring the disappointed look on Matt’s face. His grip on me loosened a little but I was too busy freaking myself out over why Damien was calling.
"I- it's... It's okay. I get that you're lonely too" he said and I kept quiet, not exactly sure what to say. I mean, it didn’t feel okay to me but... I don’t know. He hesitated a little before speaking again. "Umm... I was just calling to say... If you wanted to... We could" he sniffled a little, "we could try having an open relationship again. I don't want you to be lonely, it was selfish of me to ask you to wait so long for me"
"I... I mean, it's up to you"
"Well I can't say I'm keen, but if it helps you to have him around..."
"Damien, I swear me and him have never... Well, up until the other day but you know what I mean" I chuckled nervously.
He sighed. "It's up to you what you do, Kyle. I love you, and I don't want you to be all lonely and miserable because of me"
"I don't want to hurt you, though"
"I'll be okay, it's probably the least I deserve" he said with this weak little laugh.
"Don't say that"
"Either way, I'd rather you were happy, gorgeous"
The two of us were quiet for a while. I thought over what he’d said. I mean, it wouldn’t be so bad being able to go to Matt for comfort but... I’d still feel bad about it if I did. Call it an open relationship or whatever the fuck you want, it’d still feel like cheating to me. Fuck, why is my life so difficult?
"I don't know" I said eventually.
"Well I gotta go, so I guess I'll leave it to you. See you next week"
"Yeah. I love you"
"Love you too, gorgeous" he said and hung up.
Matt still wore that disappointed look but this time it was mixed with curiosity. “What did he want?”
“He doesn’t hate me... And he said it might be a good idea to...”
“Try an open relationship again”
Matt’s eyes practically lit up as the words left my mouth. I thought he would. He got what he wanted this way. After all, he wasn’t strictly coming between me and Damien.
“Doesn’t sound like such a bad idea to me” he said casually, shrugging a little for emphasis.
Yeah, you would think that.