Nathan instantly knows somethings wrong, just from how quiet I am when I get back to the cell. I don't stay there long, going out to the yard to smoke almost as soon as the cuffs are off my wrists.
I know it's hypocritical of me to be upset that he fucked Matt, but I can't seem to help it. I guess I should have seen it coming. It's not like he'd really mentioned Matt before, apart from when I first heard about him.
Fuck, what if that means he's been sleeping with Matt for longer and that's why I never heard about him more?
I'm nearly out of cigarettes before Nathan joins me. He hands me the rest of his own packet, sitting beside me.
"What's happened?" He asks me, lighting one of his cigarettes. I open my mouth but nothing really comes out. He puts an arm around me and waits.
"I knew I couldn't expect him to wait for me," I mumble, "I guess I just hoped it might be longer before he started fucking other people." I can tell Nathan wants to remind me that I've been fucking others for months but he knows as well as I do that unless you're incredibly good at fighting and making connections with the right people, paying for favours with sex is kind of inevitable. That and he probably also knows I'll quite happily hit him if he points out what I'm already perfectly aware of.
"I'm sorry, Damien," he says instead. I sigh and lean into him, feeling at least vaguely comforted by his presence. I don't say anything, finishing off my cigarette total silence. "C'mon the guy was probably just lonely, same as you."
"Don't you think I know that?" I ask defensively, "it's my fault he's lonely in the first place." I sit up away from him and tell him to piss off. He hesitates and sighs when he realises he's still managed to say the wrong thing despite trying his best not to. He slinks off quietly and I stay out in the yard where there are people I can punch if I feel the need.
"I'm sorry," Nathan says, hovering by his usual seat at my table, "I didn't mean to upset you earlier." I shrug and gesture for him to sit down. He does so but he just sits there pushing his food around.
"What's bugging you now?" I ask trying not to sound as irritable as I feel.
"Nothing. I just..." he trails off with a shrug.
He sighs and shakes his head. I wait as patiently as I can for him to eat so I can get whatever's on his mind out of him.
"Well?" I kind of demand impatiently. Usually I'd be a bit more forgiving, but I'm just not in the mood today.
He sits down on the bottom bunk with a sigh, his eyes fixed to the floor. "You know I like you, Damien. Last night was fucking amazing, I just don't want us to be fuck buddies for however long we have left in here. I want more than just that."
An idea starts to form in my head at that point. Me and Kyle are both lonely, but we can't have each other for now. And we both have people we can go to for comfort and company.
"I need to make a phone call," I tell him, pecking him on the cheek and walking off before he has a chance to say anything.