By the time I get out of solitary, I think I'm probably in a worse mood than I was when I went in. Not only is Nathan still around, but I missed my visit from Kyle. I sit on my bunk in my cell, contemplating how I might get away with multiple murders without being noticed.
"Someone's looking happy today," Aaron says, walking in. I look up at him, kind of glaring and he holds his hands up defensively. "Chill, kiddo. What's up?"
"Where do I start? One of the guys who landed me in here is now here as well, and then when I beat the crap out of him, I got put in solitary for a week where the guards felt like they could in turn beat the crap out of me every day," I point out the bruises clinging to my skin, all angry purple blotches, mostly where they can't be seen unless I get undressed. He nods understandingly, "but the worst thing was that I missed my visit from Kyle, ‘cause I was stuck in solitary and they wouldn't let me go see him."
"Well, I can see why you're pissed, but don't make things harder on yourself than they already are, yeah?"
"Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go have a smoke in the yard." He nods and I get up, heading outside. It feels good to be out of the building for the first time in ages, but it's instantly marred the second I spot Nathan hanging around.
He looks up and sees me, his eyes straight back to the floor.
"Not seen you around for a while, hot stuff," Josh's voice distracts me and I glance at him.
"Got put in solitary again," I mutter, not really wanting to talk about it with Josh. I don't want to talk to josh at all, to be honest, but he stays, one arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him. We sit like that for a while in silence, him planting occasional kisses on my neck and jaw, and me ignoring them all. Though after a while, I do feel myself to calm down. I guess I need the distraction.
The days until my next visit from Kyle fly by in a blur of sex and paying other guys to beat up Nathan when I was in a particularly foul mood. Josh certainly knows how to make up for lost time, and while I'm still uncomfortable with the idea of anyone other than Kyle screwing me, I'm beginning to get used to it, and even enjoy it just a tiny bit.
"Cross, you have a visitor," the guard barks in the middle of my cigarette break. I'm taken to the visitor room and sat down behind that screen. On the other side is my beautiful Kyle, looking kinda sad for some reason.
"What's up, gorgeous?" I ask, slipping the guard five dollars to let me touch the screen.
"Nothing," he says, and I frown a little, not exactly convinced.
"Not brilliant, to be honest. You?" he shrugs, and I have to resist the urge to accuse him of lying. Just because I'm in a shit mood, doesn't mean I have to take it out on Kyle. He's not the one that pissed me off. "I'm sorry I missed your visit last week," I sigh.
"It's okay," he tells me, but I kind of get the feeling it's not. We both fall quiet. After a while, I put my hand up on the screen. Even if we're not gonna talk, we can at least pretend like we can hold hands or something. He hesitates for a second, though, before lining his hand up with mine, making me frown.
"I'm still working on getting you a lawyer."
"Thanks," I say quietly. He goes all silent on me again, and I have no idea what to say. I drop my hand back to my side and look at the floor, feeling like shit for not keeping myself out of trouble last week. Kyle's hand stays where it is, and I can feel his eyes on me. "M'sorry I'm such a shit boyfriend," I mumble, not looking up to meet his gaze.
"I feel like it. I mean, I'm the one that got myself stuck in solitary when we we're s'posed to be in here."
I let out a sigh and somehow manage to look back at him as I speak, though I can't seem to look him in the eye. "You remember Nathan from the band? Turns out he got arrested too, and he was transferred to my unit last week. I happened to be in a shit mood when I saw him and kinda beat him up just a little bit. And then I might have said a few unsavoury things to the guard who took me to solitary and I landed myself a week in there." Kyle bites down on his lip. "I probably came off worse though, ‘cause you can't do anything about it if a guard decides he wants you to be his punching bag when you're down there." I smile weakly, not entirely sure what there is to smile about. His jaw drops a little at that and he looks a tiny bit horrified. "There's no point telling anyone, though. Who would they believe? The convicted criminal or the law abiding guard?" a small laugh bubbles up in my chest and over my lips, even though nothing about what I've said is funny.
Kyle sighs a little, and my laughter begins to turn into tears as I realise again, the way I always seem to when he visits, just how much I miss him. "I heard there's a unit I might be able to get moved to that has a different visitor's room. No screens or anything. If your lawyer can't get me out, can they at least get me moved?" I put my hand back up on the screen against his, imagining how good it'll feel if I at least get moved to the unit that doesn't feel the need to separate you with a sheet of glass from the people that visit you.
It dawns on me that the chances are I won't even need a lawyer to get me into a different unit, just a few favours. One to find out what unit allows contact during visits, one to get the paperwork sorted out and one to replace the old paperwork with the new. Hmmm.