I started to panic a little when Damien hadn’t come back after a few hours. I mean, what if Phil had gone all psycho and kidnapped him or something? I shrugged on a hoodie and made my way to Damien’s house, just about ready to punch Phil.
“Where is he?” I asked grumpily when Damien’s mom answered the door.
“Upstairs” she said, sounding a little taken aback.
“Can I come in?” I asked, trying to be polite.
She nodded, standing back to let me in and I kind of stomped my way upstairs. I stopped when I saw Phil hugging Damien from behind, his chin resting on Damien’s shoulder. Damien was busy packing a bag so neither of them noticed me.
"You don't have to go over y'know" Phil said.
"I know. Doesn't mean I don't want to" Damien said.
Phil was quiet.
"It's s'posed to be an open relationship, but neither of you are capable of sharing"
"I know" Phil said, kissing his cheek. "I'm sorry, babe. I don't mean to be so possessive"
Damien sighed a little and Phil hugged him a little tighter. Damien stopped packing and Phil turned him around, kissing him. I cleared my throat, making the two of them look round. I stared at my feet, not feeling brave enough to look either of them in the eye.
"You okay?" Phil asked.
"Mmm" I mumbled out, my eyes still on the floor.
"I'm nearly done. Sorry I took so long" Damien said.
"S'okay" I mumbled again and wandered downstairs, sinking into the couch. I stared at my feet til Damien came down around ten minutes later.
"Shall we?" he asked with a slight smile.
I got up, not really doing anything when he took my hand. I kept my eyes on the floor and we walked back to the apartment in silence. I headed straight for the bathroom once we were inside. For every minute we spent walking I felt more and more nauseous. I locked the door behind me, kneeling in front of the toilet. I retched a few times but no matter how ill I felt, I couldn’t force anything up.
"Can I come in?"
I unlocked the door, slumping by the toilet again. He sat by me, wrapping me in a cuddle and I finally managed to force up a tiny bit of puke.
"What's up?" he asked, rubbing my back.
I could tell he didn’t believe me but I didn’t really care. He was quiet and I threw up again, leaning against the wall once I was done. I felt Damien’s eyes on me so I shut my own. The two of us sat in silence and I felt Damien pull his knees up, hugging them to his chest. I glanced at him, his chin resting on his knees.
"You can go, if you want"
“I don't really want to. Unless you'd rather I went."
I shrugged slightly. "I want you to be wherever you're happiest"
He pecked me on the lips before standing up. I knew it. I looked at the floor, not wanting to meet his gaze.
"I love you, but I don't know where I'm supposed to be anymore. I'll be back when I stop feeling like the two of you are pulling me apart" he said, grabbing his bag.
“'Kay" I whispered and with that he was gone.
I curled up on the bathroom floor, too empty to even cry. The nausea was gone. The paranoia was gone. Everything was gone. All I’d wanted to do was get back to how things used to be, yet all I’d managed to do was push him away. The love of my life had just walked out on me because he wasn’t happy with me. I’d tried so hard and it was all for nothing.